Breaking the Rules - COMPLETED

23: loss [em]

Change of views again cause it's important.

Read note at the end, it's important.

•Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise•
                    ~Victor Hugo

Matt~

I feel horrible.

Everything hurts. My head, my stomach, my arms and legs. I feel heavy all over. So heavy that I'd probably sleep for one more week if I let myself close my eyes.

But my eyes are glued on the door, waiting anxiously for Emily to come in.

I feel so sorry for what I said to her  before that accident happened. So ashamed. I'm so fucking ashamed for everything that I've said. She didn't deserve it.

My heart is going crazy as the door stays closed but when it slowly opens and reveals a nervous Emily it stops all together.

Fucking hell, she slays my life.
She  steals my breath away.
She's so fucking beautiful.

My heart starts beating again, the heart monitor making sure I and everyone else knew what happens when I look at Em.

"Matt." Her voice cracks and she slowly makes her way towards me, sitting down on the chair beside my bed.

She's way too far away. I want to touch her, breathe her in, hold her in my arms again. Tell her, show her how sorry I am. But that can wait. Given her expression she's unsure of what to do.

"Em," I whisper.

We look at each other for minutes, no one saying anything until the silence stretches too long and it gets unbearable.

She clears her throat and asks me how I was doing.

"I'm fine, given the circumstances," I answer. "A huge ass headache due to the swelling of my brain, but other than that. I'm peachy." She winces, looking at my busted temple and tired eyes and I realize how sarcastic I sounded because she regretted asking me. "No really, I'm glad I'm awake again, Em," I hurry to answer. "What about you?" I ask slowly, fearing the answer. "And, and the-"

"The baby?" she interrupts me.

I nod. Her shoulders drop and she avoids my eyes as if she's ashamed of something. She laughs without humour and shuts her eyes tightly, shaking her head.

"I lost it," she whispers, her voice cracking yet again. And when she looks at me, her eyes are filled with tears. "I lost it a few days ago." A sob. "I fucking lost it."

My world shatters beneath me seeing her this ... this shattered.

"Fuck," I breathe.

I close my eyes, close to tears. Just thinking about how much of a jerk I've been to her when I found out she's pregnant makes me want to jump out of a window.

Emily entered my room hesitantly and I knew instantly that she was afraid to be here. And that alone made me frown. She's never been afraid around me. I didn't know what to expect when she told me she had to talk to me.

But I didn't expect her to tell me that her period was overdue and she's pregnant and in her third week.

First I looked at her flat stomach and she said that this early in a pregnancy you couldn't see it yet.