Hey, guys. So, I had an idea. This is a multi song pref. I've never seen this before, so, I thought I'd try it out.
Sorry if it sucks..
Songs used:
-Eden, Gravity
-Melanie Martinez, Carousel
-Twenty One Pilots, Stressed Out
-Jane XO, Dreams
I always wanted him to be the last thing on my mind. I wanted him to be the reason I closed my eyes. But I can't sleep. I stared at the ceiling wondering where everything went wrong. Was it something I said or done? I desperately wanted to be his high. The reason he woke up and smiled. But everything I said became unheard.
I remember he kept telling me that I drank and I smoked and I talked too much. But I fully knew he lied when he told me he just had to go and save himself.
That night.. My face was covered in tear stains. His face was dull and looked pale. He didn't look me in the eye when he told me he had to leave to save himself. What does that even mean?
I miss him..
He doesn't care about you. You were and are still wrapped around his finger.
I liked it, though. Somebody loved me.
He never heard me out, though. I kept telling him that everybody talks and that it means nothing until you let it. That everybody had to make friends because that's how you come around. He never believed those words.
My voice cracked as I said these words,
"But you can leave if you really want to and you can run if you feel you have to. And I'll be fine if you ever asked me. I'll always be fine."
I just think too much, I kept telling myself. But this past month I couldn't sleep but I could dream of us. I've been seeing stuff like horror cuts, because I was a phantom wandering in unwanted places.
He moved on and yet I wasn't capable enough to forget that night? How stupid of me.
What's wrong with me?
He's far away, Y/n.
That's nothing new. I just want to cuddle up to his side and watch Mean Girls together.
That's all over now, y/n, you should've done that before 'that night'.
Something's wrong with me.
"You need to let this go." Those menacing words haunted me. My mind kept spinning. But this is who I am or am I just losing it? Because he said jump and I went first but falling's always been my downfall.
I hurt all over.
Pill..
Pill..
Pill..
I still drink and smoke and talk too much. The difference, now, is that nobody reminds me to shut up, go to bed and dream the biggest, unrealistic dreams ever. And I always did. But he lied that night when he said that he had enough and go save himself.
My vision wasn't clear that night. All I remember were blurry faces and broken voices. How did we end up like this, when everything was fine just last night?
How can one mend this pain?
By killing it.
I always told him that if he kept second guessing that there was only gonna be one end. He never listened, though. He never will. Nobody will.
But he could've left if he really had to and he could've ran if he feeled he had to. And he did. And he left me shattered. But I can drink if I feel I have to. He never understood that. Nobody understands that.
Fall inlove, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
It was really all fun and games 'til I fell inlove.
I never realised the destruction that was our relationship. We went round and round like a horse on a carousel. Back then, when I fell inlove, I didn't think I was falling behind love and trying so hard to catch up. But that only broke me. He laughed at me trying to catch my breath.
I can't feel like I used to.
Because I used to defy gravity.
His goodbye keep dragging me down.
And I'm fighting gravity.
Defying gravity.
I tried but keep falling.
Because falling's easy.
But it only brings you down.
