Take Me back to the Start | B. Barnes

12. The Orphan Club

1937

It was 5am, early in the morning when I found out about the bad news. I had been still asleep, having a dreamless and quiet night for once till I heard the constant knocking at the door. First I thought Bucky would open the door since he was much closer by sleeping on the couch, until I remembered that it was the 29th of December, not the 25th. I wasn't even in the condition to think about who could that possibly be or why that person would just appear now, the fatigue had still taken control over my mind.

I would have never guessed that Rebecca Barnes would ever stand in front of my apartment, let alone at this time. The tears running down her rosy cheeks and her brown hair a mess made me fully awake and I started imagining every possibly reason why she was here, something bad had happened. My first thought was Bucky, the picture of him being involved in a car accident gave me goosebumps and scared me to death. Then I thought of the twins, the young toddlers that were always happy and bubbly. But before I could continue, Rebecca explained to me under sobs what had happened.

Sarah Rogers had passed away an hour ago. She couldn't shake the tuberculosis and left Steve as an orphan in the world. Bucky had been trying to comfort Steve since he found out while his father took care of Sarah and his mother of the twins. Rebecca had come to my apartment to let me know.

The shock first made the whole world fall silent, blended out the music from some night clubs and the few cars driving around. It was like I could just hear how my heart beat slower and quieter. Then I started shaking uncontrollably as a single tear ran down my face. I didn't know her that well. But she accepted me and took care of Steve, she wasn't a bad human.

Rebecca then walked me to Steve's apartment where Bucky sat in Steve's room, not stopping to stroke the back of the poor orphan next to him. I entered the room quietly, not daring to make a single noise, but sensing my presence Bucky still looked up. His blue eyes were a bit reddened but he stayed strong for his best friend. Seeing him would usually make me happy, but this occasion wasn't usual. He glanced at me, signaling for help and I just nodded. I had known why. Because I was an orphan too.

The only sound that broke the silence in the room was Steve's endless sobbing, his face buried in his hands and his elbows resting on his thighs. The Steve that I had known, shy but still happy, was not there. A part of him died, leaving the crying and helpless shell. It broke my heart into a million pieces to see him like that, in pain and completely broken. His whole body was shaking and just a look at him made me want to cry.

"Steve..." My voice was weak and trailed off, making him look up. His face was made of tears, his eyes and cheeks were cherry red and his breath was unsteady. He was broken and despaired. I sat down next to him on his right, Bucky on his left and pulled him into a tight hug like I could make the awful things that happened undone. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

He just broke out in tears, his head laying on my shoulder and my dress got drenched in his tears, but it didn't bother me at all. My hand stroked carefully his back as I kept muttering that it was okay to cry, to let it out. Bucky shot me a pained look, half thankful for my help but also half sad. That's how we spent the rest of the night together, sitting, hugging and crying.

Right now, we are standing on the Brooklyn Cemetery, but we are not dressed in black. Steve has said that he doesn't want to see that dark color, so everyone has showed up in gray. After Sarah Roger's death on the 29th of December, we could organize a little funeral a few weeks later but already in the new year 1937. The New Year's Eve was horrible, we abdicated celebrating.