Take Me back to the Start | B. Barnes

Epilogue

"C'mon, stop acting like a coward and move your ass. Why are you suddenly so shy, huh?" I want to know and nudge Tony; Steve and Bucky slightly chuckle at his edgy behavior. It's really odd to see the billionaire so nervous, a pretty rare occasion. Tony groans and annoyance laces his voice.

"It's just... I haven't visited her for a long time, she'll probably think that I'm Howard again. And, I don't know, I don't wanna screw it up. Not with her." He admits and Bucky grins, putting his arm around Stark.

"Tell me about it. I haven't seen her for almost seventy years."

"Farrell, tell your husband that he shouldn't be so dramatic. The situation with you is different, Barnes. I was just an asshole and too busy with women and wasting money while you were actually brainwashed. She won't forgive me." Tony shakes his head and I sigh, slightly squeezing his shoulder.

"You belong to us now, you know that, right? We're family. A weird one, but still family. She will forgive you, she loves you." I assure him and he half smiles, his eyes beam gratitude. "And don't tell me what to do. Only my husband is allowed to do that."

"I love my wife, have I told you that already?" Bucky leans down to give me a peck, I slightly grin and Tony rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, about a million times already. Let's go in, she's waiting for us." Steve chuckles and his hand lies on the door knob. We nod agreeing, Tony seems to be very nervous though. I only give him a little push, trying to get rid off his anxiety as we enter the room. "Hello, Peggy."

The old brunette glances at us and her eyes directly land on Tony. He slightly tenses up, waiting for her to say something and we all wait for a sign for her memories. Finally, a smile graces her lips and her brown eyes beam kindness. "Hello, Tony. It's been a while."

"Hey, Aunt Peggy." His voice is soft and careful, yet filled with respect. I've never heard him like that, it's like a child would meet his mother again after looking for her for years. The whole scenario makes me smile though and a relieved gladness spreads through my heart.

"Peggy, I want to reintroduce you to an old friend." Steve motions for Bucky to step forward and he does, with me holding his hand. Now he's suddenly as nervous as Tony but also excited to meet a face from the past.

"Hello, Peggy."

"... James." Her eyes widen slightly but she recovers faster than we thought, the shock on her face disappears quickly and a scoff leaves her lips. "The long hair makes you look older."

The tension vanishes within seconds and we break out into laughter. And together, we are here, laughing happily after everything we have been through, something I once gave up a long time ago. Yet, it is happening. This is happening. Life.

Sometimes I catch myself wishing that everything would be like it used to be. Sometimes I imagine what would have happened if Bucky hadn't fallen off the train. What would have happened if Steve and I hadn't crashed the plane? What would have happened if we all had survived and lived with Peggy, Howard and Jarvis? And Rose.

But then I remember that this is not how I should live. I shouldn't questioning things that are over and can't be changed. I should look forward. Because with pain comes also joy. And I know that pain and loss can be unbearable, but it is not impossible to face it.
I can still see how Pietro takes all the bullets for Clint and me. I sometimes see the footage of Howard's death in my head. And sometimes, just sometimes, I hear it. The bullets flying around, the grenades exploding and men dying on the field. But then I think of something else. I think of them.

I also see Howard with his goggles in the lab, making jokes and flirty comments. I smell Mr Jarvis' delicious tea that he serves with the most gentle smile I've ever seen. I laugh with the Howling Commandos in the pub or see Pietro caring for his sister more than anyone ever could. They all give me strength. They live on in my memories and will never be forgotten.

And sometimes, if it's not enough to keep going, if I'm tired and need someone to lean on, I have him. The love of my life.
James Buchanan Barnes.

He knows how I'm feeling, he knows who I am. And when he sees the fatigue in my eyes, he always leans in, giving me a tender kiss and saying what I need to hear. "I love you so much."

I then always smile, knowing that everything's gonna be alright because I'm with him.

"I love you, too. Till the end of the line."

To be continued...

Voltricity will return in Infinity War