Game Theory × NH

061 | promethium

× Mercury

This was probably where I call it a night and go inside, but something made me stay in that car.

There was a huge difference between openness and vulnerability I had come to learn in my lifetime. Niall was a good example. He'd let you in, but it had to be on his terms - like fixed dice, only showing the sides he wanted you to see. He's very aware of what he's letting out and what he's keeping to himself to the point where he might feel like a walking paradox.

The thing about Niall being fixed dice is that when it came to me, it was like the lead pellets in the die were no longer there. His six sides were completely moved by his feelings and not by his willpower.

But tonight at that wedding, there wasn't a need for dice to be played because he wasn't feeling vulnerable. He was being open with me and that was what made me stay in that car. I wanted to know what made him trust me enough to let me through his walls.

"Why did you want to dance with me?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"There's something about you..." he explained softly. "I'm not sure what it is yet, but I have theories."

"You have a lot of theories."

He turned to look at me, his eyes the color of an arctic blast. "None of them are wrong, by the way. They're just not fully developed."

I knew what was going to happen next by the look on his face. It was the look that makes my heart flutter and my lips shake. I saw his eyes gaze at my own, then noticed them slowly lower and fix on my lips. His eyes said what his mouth wasn't as he started leaning in, closer and closer.

But then he stopped. And I knew why.

Every time this happens, I run. It's what I do. My legs take off before I allow myself that moment, the frozen-in-time linger when everything is kind of weird and amazing. When hearts become acoustic drums and my body takes over. I was always too scared of how much I already wanted him. So I run.

The only difference now was that I didn't want to. There wasn't a twitch in my fingers and a desire to jump out of the car and get the hell out of there. I wanted to stay. I wanted to fight.

"Is there... is there a way to test your theories?" I asked slowly.

"If you let me," he whispered.

Niall's hand slowly reached my jaw, his thumb caressing my cheek. And then the space between us closed and my lips were firm against his, but they remained soft and gentle. The kiss demolished every thought in my head. I savored his lips as the quickening of his heartbeat matched my own.

We held the kiss for a few seconds before our lips began to move in perfect sync; slowly, cautiously. Niall moved his hand from my jaw to the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my long hair, lightly pulling me into him so we met in the middle. My entire body had been taken over by the overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with eccentric panic.

It wasn't a kiss we had shared before. It was simple, it was innocent. It was powerful.

And then it was over. Just like that. But it had to be because the kiss wasn't intended to go any further. It was purely for science, of course. But everything inside me was on fire. Nothing in the world had left me feeling like that before.

When Niall pulled away from me, there was some sort of epiphany in his eyes - like this moment of total realization.

"Holy shit," he whispered.