Tripping: The Wasted Series, Book 1

34. Tripp

Well, all my lovely people here is a very seamy chapter. Well it would be if I had this rated R. So if you would rather read this in its rated R version go to Tripping... The Restricted Chapters and I will have the entire naughty chapter posted. Remember you need to be 18 and older to read it! I hope you like. Please comment and vote.

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It's been a couple months now and I've remembered a few things here and there. Nothing major. I know I used to do drugs. But I can't recall any part of that life. I tried smoking cigarettes, but since the damn accident I start hacking my brains out and need to use that stupid oxygen thing. I decided it was better not to smoke. I started drinking a bit but not to excess like I used to apparently. But I can't extract the memories at all.

Poe and I have been getting along fine. She goes to school and I work. I come home, and she has dinner for me and then we pretty much do nothing. Once in a while we will play cards or board games. Sometimes we watch a movie. But I feel like I am going absolutely insane. I am sensing I have lost something. Poe will not help me at all at trying to recall the lost memories. She says I am better off not knowing.

Argh! How the fuck can she say that?? What if some of her life was suddenly gone? Just disappeared into thin air. I bet she would want to know about it. I am going to talk to her about it later on. Because if something doesn't happen soon I am going to explode. I have this anger and pent up frustration inside and I don't want to do something stupid.

It doesn't help that she won't have sex with me. Apparently, I was a bit rough before the accident and I just took her whenever my mood felt like it. Hmm... I smirk to myself. She must have liked something I did. She is still with me. Maybe during our discussion of my past... I'll just have my way with her and maybe some memory will pop into my mind.

Poe arrived back to the house at about 8:30 tonight. She said something about doing a science project with a partner at the library. As if I care what she does. Wait. What? I should care, shouldn't I? She is my girlfriend. 'I care about Poe.' I said to myself. Then another part of me said, 'If I cared so much about her then why am I planning on doing what I am about to do?' I don't have an answer. Not for anything anymore. I just don't feel like me. Not that I really know what I am suppose to feel like.

A few days ago it was my 18th birthday and I did nothing. I tried to have sex with her but she, of course, said no not tonight. I wanted to buy some beer. (I have a fake i.d. I found in my wallet weeks ago.) She wouldn't let me.

"So..." I say sauntering over to Poe, "Please tell me about me. I need to know. I feel lost and confused. It feels like I have an amputated limb. Please, Poe." I begged. I wanted to add I am angry and aggravated but decided it wouldn't be in my best interest not to annoy her that much. I can't believe I was begging her. No way. I am not grovelling to her like a dog anymore. If she won't tell me then let the shit hit the fan.

"Tripp," she addressed me, "I told you I am not telling you those parts. You don't need to remember how you used to be. All that matters is how you are now." That was it. I exploded. "HOW I AM NOW? DO YOU KNOW HOW I AM NOW?" I sneered. "I am lost. I don't know who the hell I am. I don't feel right somehow. I hate this life I am living. I am so bored with this existence I have. I am frustrated." Then I lowered my voice. Almost as if I was about to break down. "I can't go on much longer like this, Poe."

She gasped and her hand flew over her mouth. I don't think she really realized how bad I am until this very moment. Tears erupted from her eyes and she started saying over and over, "I can't, Tripp. I can't. I like who you are now."

That was it. That is what broke the camel's back. Shaking with anger, I balled my hands into fists, and stormed over to where she was and pushed her up against the wall and blocked her way out with my arms surrounding her. My head was only inches from hers. I brought my lips as close to hers without touching them together, and I think she thought I was going to kiss her because her eyes drifted shut and she just waited. I gave the scene a moment before I opened my mouth. Then with a controlled anger in my voice I thundered, "You are going to regret not telling me who I was. Who I should be. Why do you think you should have power over my life? I understand I was an ass. But, if you tell me maybe I can connect part of myself of the past with who I am now. But if you still reject my want..." I trailed off and looked into her petrified eyes so she could see the power and loathing in my eyes. At this point she was sobbing and almost hyperventilating. So I dragged her over to the couch and had her sit with her head in between her knees to calm down.

When she stopped, I turned to her with a smile and managed to hold in all the rage I felt and commanded, "Tell me."

With a whimper she spilled her guts. Told me who I used to be and what kind of things I did, the drugs and alcohol I consumed and people I hung around. I listened politely, nodded in acknowledgment and shook my head left to right when she told me things that were harsh to hear.

Damn, I thought. I am a fucking asshole. I kind of smirked a bit and Poe noticed and cowered as far away from me as she could get. "What's wrong, little girl?" I taunted. That was harsh sounding I surmised. But I needed the words to come out like that only if to recall something, anything.

"D - do you remember anything, Tripp?" She stuttered. "You ju-just sounded like...before," she put her head down and shook it like she couldn't believe what she heard.

"No." I was curt. Now I know, what do I do with the information? Do I go back to my life or do I live in this predictable, mundane existence?

My head is spinning. I need some sort of release. I started kissing Poe. First gently on her lips trailing light kisses down her jaw and then neck. I moved my lips off her neck and placed them on her full pink lips. I gently licked her bottom lip, but she refused me. She pushed me back graciously and said she still was not ready to be like that yet.

Argh! When the fuck will she be ready? I couldn't take it. I felt the pent up fury rolling off me in waves. I wanted to walk out of the house. But the total disdain I felt right now would probably either get me killed, get someone else killed and/or would result in me going to jail. I don't want that.

As I was having this mental assault upon myself I noticed Poe walked into the kitchen. I got up with little restraint and walked to her. I pushed her up against the front door and held her by her shoulders while pinning her arms down with my forearms, kicked her legs open and pinned my body against hers. I needed to be in control of something, someone. Anything. She is my target. "So, little girl," I laughed out mockingly, bringing my knee up to her center and started rubbing her, "Your caught. What are you going to do now?" She cried a bit. "Hmm. What if I give you two choices. First choice, little girl, let me have you without any nonsense or second choice I'll give you a chance to escape me. I will give you two minutes to get away from me. If you get away then I promise I won't touch you again, unless you plead for it," I sneered. "What is your choice?" Before I even finished the sentence she started moving. She tried to kick me but it backfired on her. I snickered. She got a decent shot on my shin but instead of me falling back, I fell on her and my knee thrust into her center, causing a moan to escape her lips. "You lose, little girl," I said with a sardonic grin plastered on my face.

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