Tripping: The Wasted Series, Book 1

36. Tripp

I run outside, slamming the front door behind me. It seemed like all of a sudden memories started to pour into my brain. I needed to get out of that house. I needed to be free.

I hopped into my car and started racing to Rick's house. Yep. All my memories of me using came back with a vengeance I needed it. I wanted it. It was calling out to me.

Driving to Rick's I know I shouldn't do what I am about to do. I'd been clean for months now and the physical addiction is no longer coursing through my veins. But the emotional one began as soon as I recalled my life. I felt the pull of it. I keep telling myself I will do it this one last time and then be done with it. Surely I won't get physically addicted after only one night. One blissful, calming night.

I chuckled out loud. I am not fooling myself. I know this will be my demise. This will be the beginning of the end for me. And for Poe. Knowing me I'd bring some back to her. I can't do that to her. To me. Can I? She is calling for me. Promising it will be okay this one time.

Suddenly I am aware of my surroundings. Rick's. I pull into the driveway and sit in my car.

I've been in here for about twenty minutes now arguing with myself. I so so very much just want to say fuck it and get what I came for. But there is a new part of me that tells me to run away as fast as I can. I've never heard that part speak to me. I must have change somewhat after the accident during these past few months. I can't stand it. My heart says go get high. My head is telling my heart what a stupid fuck it is.

I feel so messed up. Confused. I slam my fists onto the steering wheel. I turn the car back on and back out of the driveway as fast as I could manage. I almost hit a car coming down the street because I knew I had to go and go now before I changed my mind.

I raced back to the house, flew inside and unlocked the door to my bedroom. Poe was just sitting on the bed, waiting. I pulled her up and embraced her. I held onto her for so long I was surprised she never let me go or said a word to me. Ugh. My heart sank. I remembered I told her never to speak to me unless I speak to her first.

I let out a deep sigh and wrench myself from her. Holding her at arms length I look into her eyes. I had to see what was going on. When I look, I saw fear and hurt, but also love and desire swirling around like a tornado ready to ravish a small southern town.

In a hushed voice I pronounced, "I love you, Poe." Three words I have never uttered to another human being including my parents.

Her eyes grew huge and she stared at me for a minute. Silence. She never uttered a single word in the moments that past. I drew her into me and held her close. I put my mouth close to her ear and in an unpretentious voice said, "I know I told you not to talk to me. I know I was harsh earlier and I want to let you know that I do love you. When I left you here I went to Rick's to score," I stopped because I felt her whole body tense up. "Shh. Little girl, I didn't do it." I felt her relax and slump on me a little. "I didn't do it. A part of me encouraged me to get high. But then another part of me, which never existed before, said I am basically a dumbass and not to do it." She giggled a bit at that. It made me smile. I continued in a hushed voice, "The sex we had earlier, I know you liked it." I stared straight into her sultry eyes. "I could see and feel the way our body reacted. And all the stuff I did and said to you is applied to the bedroom only. Or maybe the kitchen table or couch..." I trailed off with a smirk on my face. "I don't want you like that any other time. I want you to be the strong person you have been over these last few months." I stopped to take a breath.

In a confident voice Poe said, "I love you too, Tripp. And I do like what we do in the bedroom. I think that is why I haven't wanted sex. You asked me or begged me and it felt wrong to me. But tonight." She paused with a huge grin on her face. "But tonight was incredible and hot and absolutely amazing.

Thank you for telling me about going to buy. I want you to be able to talk to me first if you get the urge. And I want to talk to you when I do. Because you know damn well I crave it too, sometimes.

"I love you so much, baby. And we will make it through this."

As soon as Poe was finished I slammed her onto the bed and crashed my lips onto hers.