First Term Love Story

Chapter 22: No More

I close the door behind me, hard, and sink down into my chair. Today was just plain tiring, I couldn't think properly, nothing made sense in my brain because all I could think about was Josh and all the moments we had, were all of them fake? Also, the last words I heard Eugene say, were they real or just a figment of my imagination? I decide to go to Cameron's room to see what he has to say but stop short when I hear him talking to someone.

"Thanks Eugene for stepping up and being friends with my sis," I hear Cameron say, I put my ear on the door to listen to their conversation, did I hear Cameron correctly? "Stepping up and being friends"?

"No, problem, I'm glad you –" Eugene got cut off by Cameron.

"Well, thanks anyway, you have done your part very well, when I asked you to be friends with her, I did not expect this."

What? Cameron asked Eugene to be nice to me, more importantly, my friend?

"It's alright dude, actually..."

The door swings open slowly and I meet face to face with Eugene.

So let's summarize this brain, Cameron asked Eugene to be my friend.

I cannot believe this, is everyone just pretending now? Is all of this just a play? I guess it is and apparently, I'm the star and I didn't even know about it.

I can't even look at him now, not after what I just heard. I shut the door in his face and stomp back to my room, without a word to him or Cameron. This is just unbelievable.

I hear the door swing open, Cameron cursing and Eugene calling my name but I just walk back to my room and lock the door. I go under the covers and take a deep breath. It is only now that I realize that my hands have been shaking, shaking from the rage, confusion, sadness. I try to calm my breathing as I look into the darkness that I see under the covers, nothing is real anymore.

*****

I have been busying myself with all there is to study and nothing more but a knock on the door interrupts me.

"Who is it?" I ask, silently praying that it isn't Eugene or Cameron.

"It's me," I hear Oliver reply.

I heave a sigh of relief before opening the door, that could have been awkward.

He brings in the pizza box and puts it on the table.

"Thank you," I say to him.

"Your welcome," he replies and turns to go but before he closes the door, he says, "Just a suggestion, but you should go talk to Eugene, by today,"

"I'll think about it," I say in reply but he has already closed the door.

I release a deep sigh and open the box to see two large slices of cheesy pizza.

I notice something at the top of the inner lid, a small note written in black ink:

Dear Camilla,

I'm sorry I did not tell you that your brother told me to be friends with you, I don't know why I didn't but I'm sorry. If you are not mad anymore, please come to my room so that I can tell you some things.

I ate my pizza as I thought about it. Was I mad? Yes, but is it worth being mad at him for? I ponder for a while but come up with no conclusion and decide to procrastinate this problem to be solved tomorrow, I'll think about it tomorrow. Everything about Josh, Eugene and Cameron is just giving me a headache.

After my dinner, I take the pizza box down to the bin where I see Malcolm going up the stairs, I wanted to retreat back to my room but he had already seen me and was coming up to me to say something.

"Hey, was the pizza good?"

Thank god he didn't ask about Eugene or Josh or Cameron or why I didn't go down for dinner.

"Yeah, it was good but it would've been better if it was hot."

"Yeah, warm pizza with that cheese, mmm... Eugene wanted to bring it up earlier but the guys wanted the pizza," Malcolm added with a shrug. Eugene?

"Well, see you tomorrow," he says and skips up the steps.

I give him a small smile and put the pizza box in the trash. Now, I can get ready for bed.

I walk back to my room and walk past Eugene's room. I stop for a while to think as the memory of the night Eugene had pulled me into his room flooded back into my head. I shook my head lightly, tomorrow, I'll definitely have a chat with him tomorrow.

I lie on my bed after brushing my teeth and changing into my pyjamas. As I lie on my bed, I can't help but recall everything that happened. All the mistakes I made, all the hints I saw but never took notice in my mind that Josh had something behind my back. Then all of a sudden, sadness washes over me again, just like it did when I first got the text. I am crying all over again, but this time, with no one to hold me, and thinking about Eugene makes me cry even harder. Everything that's happened, it's all fake, all acting, all pretend and I thought they were real. The sadness comes down hard and that is how I fall asleep that night, with hot tears still streaming down my face as I tried to still my heart.

*****

I wake up a little later the next day, the knowing of what happened last night still alive in my head. It was like a fresh cut that would hurt every time water was poured onto it, my heart ached every time I think of what happened I go to the mirror and what an actual mess I am, tear stained cheeks, puffy red eyes, messy hair, this is not the best me. I look at myself a second longer and realise how pitiful I looked, crying over boys, I never knew that I would come to this but I know I have to stop. Shit happens, I can't cry over spilled milk forever, I'm not going to cry anymore, no more. I have been crying for what seems like two months now, two months too many.