Faded Memories (Complete)

Chapter 8

WARNING: SPG

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It's been 2 weeks already since Abby was released from the hospital. At first ayaw pa niyang sumama sa akin but I insisted. Gusto kong bumawi sa lahat ng mga nagawa ko sa kanya. I want us to start all over again.

Ganoon pa rin siya. She wasn't talking to me. Hindi niya ako pinapansin at palaging nakatingin lang sa kawalan at nagkukulong sa kwarto namin. She was giving me a cold treatment. Madalas naiisip ko kung paano niya nakayang sikmurain ang pambabalewala at mga pananakit ko sa kanya noon. Now, our situation was reversed. Now, I was the one who's taken for granted. Now, I can feel what she'd been through because of me.

It's hurting. She's always with me but she became so distant. I missed the old Abby, the woman who was always there for me. The only woman who loved me unconditionally even to the point na kahit sinasaktan ko siya ay nanatili pa rin sa tabi ko at matiyagang naghihintay sa pagmamahal ko.

I was awaken from my sleep by a quiet sob. l know it was from Abby. Hindi lang ito ang unang beses na nagigising siya sa gabi at iiyak. I always tried hugging her but she was just pushing me away. I wanted to ease all her pain but I don't know how to.

I carefully approached her. She was sitting while leaning on the headboard of our bed and embracing her knees. Nakadukdok siya sa mga tuhod niya.

"Abby...." I called her but she didn't even look at me. I tried to hold her but she just pushed my hand away.

"Abby, I'm sorry." Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses na akong nag-sorry sa kanya pero di na mahalaga iyon. Kahit habambuhay ko pang sabihin sa kanya iyon, kahit na walang kapatawaran ang mga nagawa ko ay hindi ako magsasawang ulit-ulitin iyon sa kanya.

She lifted her head and looked at me with her tear-streaked face. "Gab, ang baby ko... Gab, iyong anak natin, Gab..." she sobbed.

I took a deep breath. It was so heartbreaking to see her like this. Noong college pa kami, palagi lang siyang nakangiti at tumatawa. She has the most sweetest and most loveliest smile ever. She was always happy. But I only made her life miserable when we were married already. Though she was still smiling, may lungkot na parati sa mga mata niya. Now, I made it even worst.

If she was hurting because she lost our baby, dobleng sakit ang nararamdaman ko. The pain of losing our child and the pain of seeing how wrecked she is right now.

I embraced her so tight and this time she just let me do that.

"I won't be able to hold him in my arms anymore and kiss him and tell him how much Mommy loves him. I won't be able to witness him grow up. I won't be able to hear his first cry, to see his first smile, to hear him calling me Mommy. I will always be wondering if she was a girl or if he was a boy. Sino ba ang kamukha niya, ikaw ba o ako?" She sobbed louder.

I kissed her temple. Naipayak na rin ako. Sobrang sakit pala. I didn't know that this is going to be the consequences of my actions, of my selfishness, of my stupidity.

"Ssssshhh...Hush, honey..." I whispered in her ear while caressing her back. "I'm really very sorry for everything that I did to you. I didn't know that you were pregnant." Napailing ako. "No. Pregnant or not, alam kong maling-mali pa rin na sinaktan kita. Kinain ako ng matinding galit dahil di ko matanggap iyong mga nakita ko sa pictures. I'm really sorry for not trusting you, Abby. I know that this is too much to ask after all the pain that I've caused you but can you please forgive me?"

Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap ko at hinarap ako. She touched my face. She gently wiped my tears and I did the same to her. We both smiled at each other.

"Let's start all over again, Abby. This time aayusin ko na ang lahat. I'll make up for everything. I promise you that. Mahal kita, Abby." I kissed the back of her hand. Pinagdikit ko ang mga noo namin. "Mahal na kita noon pa pero pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili ko because you knew about my past, di ba? I was afraid to love but you're the one who taught my heart how to feel that."