Faded Memories (Complete)

Chapter 30

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I was walking on the pathway towards them. Whenever I was here, lalo lang akong nakakaramdam ng guilt at hindi iyon nababawasan. The pain never subsided. Maybe it will forever be with me.

I put the two baskets of flowers down beside the two marble tombstones of Baby Gab and Baby Abby. When I was asked before what names I should be putting on their tombstones, I decided to name them after me and Abby dahil di ko rin naman alam kung ano ang gender nila.

I lit up the candles that I brought with me and put them beside the two marble stones. I uttered a short prayer for them.

"Kamusta na kayo? I hope you're both doing good. Parang gusto ko na ngang magtampo sa inyong dalawa because you both visited Mama in her dreams for five times already pero sa akin ayaw n'yong magpakita. Mama is now more than eight months pregnant. Ilang weeks na lang and we'll be seeing your baby sister already." I looked up as my eyes clouded with tears and looked back at the two marble stones again.

I blew out a harsh breath of air. "I'm really very sorry for everything. Kung naging good lang sana ako kay Mama before, hindi sana kayo nadamay na dalawa sa mga naging kasalanan ko sa kanya. I will forever be sorry and regretful. I hope you could forgive papa because I'm still deeply guilty and hurting when I lost you both because of my negligence. I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry." I wiped my tears with the back of my hands pero patuloy pa rin sa pagtulo ang mga iyon.

"I really hope that one day ay maamin ko na kay Mama lahat ng mga kasalanan ko sa kanya so I could bring her here with me para makita n'yo na rin siya. And I really hope na sana she could forgive all my mistakes kapag nalaman na niya ang lahat ng mga nangyari before her accident. Babawi si Papa sa inyo through Hash. I will take good care of your little sister--" Napahinto ako sa pagsasalita at biglang parang may sumipa sa dibdib ko when I heard two children's voices behind me. Bigla kong naalala iyong mga kwento ni Abby about sa mga panaginip niya these past months.

I slowly turned to look behind me at napaiyak na lang ako ng husto. Siguro ganito rin ang feeling ni Abby everytime na nagpapakita sila sa kanya sa mga panaginip niya. They're here! They finally showed themselves to me. They're running and catching each other tulad ng mga kwento ni Abby sa akin.

I was just here sitting on the grass on bended knees, crying my heart out as I was watching them playing with each other happily. Kung hindi lang sana ako nagpakatanga noon, I'm still going to see this scene in reality in the future when they grow up and reach this age.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered while crying. Nagulat pa ako nang bigla silang lumingon sa akin.

"Papa!" they shouted at the same time kaya napahagulgol na talaga ako.

"I love you both," I said with a trembling voice.

"We love you, too, Papa!" they shouted again in unison.

Napayuko na lang ako saka nag-iiyak. But what surprised me the most was when I saw two pairs of little feet in front of me. When I looked up, they both smiled at me and leaned over to hug me. I wrapped my arms gently around their small bodies.

"Papa loves you two so much. I hope you could forgive Papa."

The little girl touched my face and wiped my tears with her small fingers. "You didn't mean for us and Mama to get hurt. We know that Papa. Na-forgive ka na po namin noon pa."

"Wag ka na po ma-guilty, Papa. And we still love you po and Mama and baby Hash even if we couldn't be with you," said my little boy.

"Kaya wag ka na po mag-cry, Papa," my little girl told me while smiling sweetly that resembled her mom's smiles.