Just a crush

Twenty-one

Ricky's POV

I slowly open my eyes and instantly regret it, because there was a really bright light right above me. I open my eyes again and let them adjust to the light, I look around and notice that I'm not in our hotel room.

"Hey.. you're awake." I hear Liam say, I turn to face him and see he's crying. "What happened?" I croak out, throat dry and scratchy.

"You... you tried jumping off the hotel roof." He said sadly as more tears run down his face, then everything comes rushing back to me.

The pain, heartache, everything. It's like I can still hear Emery saying he doesn't love me, it just keeps repeating in my head. "Hey, it's alright. I know it hurts, but it'll get better." Liam said as he gripped my hand tightly.

"How do you know? He was my love, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with!" I sob, I can't do this. I need the pain to go away, it's just so unbearable.

"I don't know Ricky, but nothing stays bad." He said, I just let the sobs rack through me as he holds me. Everything hurts.

Two weeks later*

I've been here for two weeks, purely because I won't eat, and because I tried to end my life multiple times. I miss him, I miss his touch, his kiss, his hugs, I miss everything about him. I feel like I can't breathe, it's just awful.

I haven't slept much since I woke up two weeks ago, I haven't eaten, or talked. I just don't see a point in any of it if he's not by my side. I wish the pain would go away, the only way that will happen is if I'm dead.

"Hey, why don't you eat something baby?" My mom says to me as she holds up a subway bag. I just turn over and close my eyes, " please! Please just eat for me, I almost lost you once I'll be damned if I lose you now." She cried but I just ignored her.

"Ricky please, I know it hurts. Trust me I know, I know the constant pain in your chest that can't be healed unless you have him. I know how it feels to not be able to breathe without him. But slowly killing yourself isn't going to make anything better!" Yes it is mom. " You're being selfish! We know you're hurting but you don't need to hurt everyone around you as well! Do you ever think about how much you're hurting your family? Your fans? By killing yourself you're killing everyone around you!" She yells as me in tears.

I sigh and take the bag from her and unwrap the sandwich. "Thank you" she sobs as I take a bite, it hurts my stomach since I'm not used to eating.

Why doesn't he love me?