can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

vi

"me? in love with you? where do you get those dumb ideas from." i try to laugh it out, maybe make him change the topic, but his glare makes me shut up instantly. "okay fine, when we were around fifteen maybe. i honestly thought i was being pretty obvious about it."

his eyes soften and he pulls me again against his chest. "do you remember how we met?"

of course i do, how could i forget that day. "not really."

he shifted into a more comfortable position before pulling me onto his lap. "i was six, and it was your sixth birthday. it was my first ball, and the first person i saw when i walked in was you. you were just standing there with your father, holding his hand while he presented you as the queen of the night to everyone. you were so happy, your eyes shined and you were smiling so hard." i close my eyes, remembering that night perfectly. his hand is tracing random shapes on my arm, making goosebumps raise at his touch. "you had a pink dress, it had diamonds all over making you so damn bright. i thought you were pretty. i was infatuated with you. hell, call it love at first sight if you must. when you bumped into me making me drop my juice on you and started yelling and crying when you saw your ruined dress i thought you were a spoiled brat and a complete bitch, yet i still thought you were beautiful. when you glared at me with your arms crossed when our parents were speaking, even then i thought you were beautiful."

i didn't think he would remember that honestly. "and then i had to change into a horrible blue dress. i really loved that pink dress y'know. i picked it almost a year before."

he rolled his eyes and chuckled softly. "i thought you didn't remember?"

"it was my damn birthday, of course i remember."

"at some point, i was in love with you too."

i look up at him. "are you lying to make fifteen year old me feel better?"

"i'm not lying, princess." he leaned down, his mouth mere inches from mine. "fifteen year old me was just too immature to admit it." just when i thought he was going to finally kiss me, he moved his face away from me. "i should probably be heading to mine. it's getting late."

this asshole.

i reluctantly got up and took him to the door. "i guess i'll see you tomorrow then."

he smirked, and i almost melt right then and there. "see you tomorrow, princess." he said before disappearing out the door.

~  ♡  ~

i didn't see him the next day. i spent my morning waiting for him to come and my afternoon wondering what the hell had i done. we were perfectly fine when he left the day before, right?

wrong.

i didn't know that, so i spent the following week switching between being mad at zabdiel and being upset with myself. sebastian was there to encourage me at all times. if i wanted to kill zabdiel, he would help me hide the body. if i wanted to punch zabdiel, he would hold him still for me. if i wanted to cry for hours, he would hold me until i calmed down. if i wanted to eat everything that came into my view, he would eat it all with me.

but then zabdiel reappeared.

he probably expected me to waiting for him and throwing myself to him. he probably didn't expect sebastian to open the door when he arrived, and he definitely didn't expect sebastian to tell him how mad i was.

"i'm sorry."

this was the part where he begs me on his knees and i end up forgiving him and we live happily ever after. i'm not giving up so easily.

"i know that we've talked about this before, but what you said to your mother, about marrying someone you loved instead of me, made me think that maybe we really shouldn't be doing this."

but that part, i didn't know about it. the scowl on my face remained as i looked over at him.

"i have to tell your mother i can't marry you. i'll have to come up with some bullshit excuse, but as long as it's what makes you happy i'll gladly do it." he steps closer to me, holding my hands in his. "i don't deserve you. you don't deserve this, you deserve so much more. you don't deserve to be marrying someone because your mother wants you to, you deserve to marry a prince that deserves you, that can actually make you happy. you don't need someone like me, you need someone that doesn't hurt everyone they care about. i'm afraid of hurting you again, of pushing you away unintentionally. i don't even deserve your forgiveness. i was such a dumb kid."

when i finally decide to look up at him i instantly regret it. his eyes are closed and tears are streaming down his face. it breaks my heart to see him like this. his eyes shot open when i took one of my hands away from his to bring them up to his face. i gently wiped the tears away, his wide eyes staring at me the whole time.

it's now or never.

"zabdiel," i began. "you're not getting rid of me that easily." i spoke softly before pressing my lips against his.