can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

xxxiii

my head was throbbing when i woke up. i felt tired and my body hurt. i winced when i tried to sit up.

"you have to stay in bed." sebastian said. i turned towards him. i opened my mouth to say something, but a sob came out instead.

christopher was at my side, he helped me sit up and held me close to his chest. he held me as i sobbed while sebastian rubbed my back. they tried to calm me down. how did they expect me to calm down? i was reckless, i shouldn't have gone into the woods alone, if i just ignored whatever the hell was that noise then maybe i wouldn't have lost my baby.

a knock was heard in my room before the door opened. zabdiel's head appeared from behind the door before he stepped completely inside.

"rose..." he muttered as he rushed over to my bed. i held my arms out for him and we hugged. "what happened, little one? i came as soon as i heard you were hurt. no one was able to tell me if you were alright."

he held me like i held him days before, at his mother's funeral. his gentle but firm grip around me made me feel safe, it always managed to. he tucked my face in the crook of his neck and his cheek was pressed against my temple.

"i lost the baby." i choked out. "i shouldn't have been in the woods."

"it was an accident." christopher spoke behind me. "we couldn't have prevented it from happening."

"it's all my fault." i insisted.

they were all quiet for a moment before zabdiel pulled away from our hug.

"listen, this is not your fault. everything happens for a reason. this was supposed to happen, but i know that you're a strong woman and you will get up from this one."

i nodded, but my eyes refused to meet his. i saw him glance behind me before speaking again.

"i'm not going to make you talk. i know that you want to be left alone." he paused, licking his lips. "i'm going to be outside if you need me, okay?"

"stay here." i shook my head. "i need you three now."

i was holding christopher's hand, he kissed it before moving me to rest my back on the bedhead. memories of my childhood came back to me as i watched my three friends in the same room.

"let's play hide and seek!" sebastian shouted.

"i can't." i pouted. "my mom doesn't want me to get my shoes dirty."

"you're such a mama's girl. my mom doesn't want me to do this, my mom doesn't want me to do that." zabdiel taunted me.

i frowned. "there's nothing wrong with being a mama's girl. i love my mommy."

"she never lets you play with us." it was zabdiel's turn to frown. "it's not fair, little one."

"i'm not little! i'm almost eight years old."

christopher sat beside us, watching us bickering back and forth. he never joined in when we fought. he was playing in the mud, getting all his clothes dirty.

i let out a loud scream when zabdiel threw me a ball of mud. i ran towards him, but my dress didn't let me run fast so he could easily escape from me. they all soon started throwing mud at each other. i hid behind christopher so i wouldn't get any more dirty. the dress i was wearing was new, mother would never forgive me for getting mud all over it already.

christopher lifted my chin and i came back to reality. sebastian and zabdiel had left the room so we were alone now.

"what are you thinking about?"

i smiled. i missed being a little girl.

"zabdiel hasn't called me little one since we were all friends. remember? right before my father..."

he nodded. "i remember. like that time he got your dress dirty with mud?"

"in my defense it was new, but you were my knight in shining armour. protecting me from zabdiel and sebastian." i smiled. "i actually was thinking about this earlier."

"what about that time we played the tea party with you and we let you dress us as you pleased?"

i laughed. "oh my god, i loved that day. can you imagine a ten year old dressing her best friends with dresses and uncomfortable shoes to sit down at a table with teacups full of water."

"what a scam, you offered us tea and got water instead."

"right, i'm still waiting for my tea and biscuits." sebastian said from the door.

daisy walked in. "princess, here's your dinner. the queen thought you might not be feeling well enough to eat downstairs." she said softly.

"i can't believe my mother finally had a good idea." i scoffed. "thank you. you may leave now."

she nodded and left my room with her head down. sebastian watched her before turning to me with a smirk.

"oh no, you're not going to fuck my servants, sebastian."

he whined like a little kid. he was going to say something, but he got interrupted by zabdiel coming into the room. christopher clenched his jaw when he saw him.

"i have to go. there was... an emergency back in lieusaint. i promise i'll come back as soon as i can."

i smiled. "don't worry about me. i'm perfectly fine. go with your people."

he raised an eyebrow before kissing my forehead and leaving my room. i stared at the door after he left.

"i hope it's not his father." sebastian said.

i furrowed my eyebrows. what if it was? i can't even begin to imagine his pain. losing both your parents in just a couple of days. i would have to talk to him soon.

"what's up with him being so friendly out of nowhere?"

i looked at christopher. "what do you mean? he's my friend. just like you and sebastian."

he scoffed but said nothing else. he let go of my hand and stood up. i frowned, what is wrong with him?

whatever zabdiel and i had, it's long gone. we're just friends now. he has his kingdom to worry about. i have my wedding to worry about. we wouldn't have worked out anyway. it didn't work the first two times, why would it work now?

although, there is no doubt that he still has a special place in my heart.