can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

xliv

five years later...

"i think you should say goodbye to your mother, princess." the doctor murmured so nobody could hear us. "she's not getting any better."

i closed my eyes. "thank you, doctor."

i heard his footsteps as he left the room, leaving me alone in the library. i sat down on the couch and let the tears fall freely down my face and onto my dress. my mother had gotten ill shortly after my wedding, but she recovered in a couple of months, or so we thought. a year ago she got ill again, worse this time. doctor after doctor tried to help her, each one of them failed. we had no hopes now, only had to wait until either she miraculously recovered or she passed away.

she may not have been the most loving mother out there, but she was my mom after all. she only wanted what's best for me.

"my love." christopher exclaimed as he bursted through the doors. i raised my head to look at him, which he returned with a concerned look. "what's the matter?"

i took a deep breath and slowly exhaled to calm myself down. "she's going to die." i couldn't help but start crying again. not only because i would lose my mother, but i would become queen and i was not sure i was ready for that responsibility yet. i didn't even have a heir yet, and i've been married for five whole years.

"i'm gonna send a letter to sebastian." i stood up. "i need all the support i can get."

"are you sure about that? i mean, he's gonna come with vianney, and she's..." he trailed off.

i rolled my eyes. "i know she's pregnant, chris. you don't need to tip toe around that topic."

he nodded and looked down. i immediately felt bad for snapping at him, but i was tired of five years of people feeling sorry for me because i wasn't able to give kids who aren't dead to my husband. he left the room seconds later.

"princess!" a servant came running into the room.

i turned towards him. "yes?"

"it's your mother."

my heart dropped. i instantly thought the worst. all the refinement classes i took were thrown out the window as i held up my dress skirt and ran up the stairs towards her room. when i arrived she had the doctor by her side. christopher came running in right after me. we looked at each other, then i stepped closer to her bed.

she smiled weakly and extended her hand towards me. "come here, rose."

i didn't hesitate to grab her hand and drop to my knees beside her bed. "mother..."

"i thought your father and i would reign together until we were a hundred years old." she tried to laugh, but ended up coughing instead. "life takes the most dramatic turns when you least expect it. you two will be each other's rocks when these moments come."

i felt christopher's presence behind me. he wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his free hand on my shoulder. his thumb rubbed circles on my skin. i breathed slowly to keep myself calm, i needed to be strong for my mom.

"i know i don't have much time. i might even pass away in my sleep. i hate to leave you, but at least i will be reunited at last with my love."

i nodded and sniffed. "he's going to be waiting for you with his arms open, mother. it'll be like the good old times without having to worry about me up there."

"oh, we will watch over you, rose. you're our little princess." she sighed and closed her eyes. "i'm so tired."

"don't go to sleep yet, mom." i mumbled, afraid that she would actually die tonight.

"you can't give up, you will become a mother yourself when you least expect it."

i nodded once again, afraid that i would break down crying in front of her. i looked at christopher, who left a kiss on my forehead to reassure me he was there for me.

"you've become like a son to me, christopher. no wonder my husband adored you so much."

we chuckled at her comment. she opened her eyes and looked around the room. i squeezed her hand before leaning forward and kissing her cheek. "i love you, mom."

"and i love you, rose." she grinned and leaned back on her bed. "if you don't mind, i'd like to go to sleep now."

the doctor left, followed by the servant that called me and another one that had been helping him. i reluctantly stood up and let christopher lead me away from her. 

"can you help me get undressed?" i mumbled when we finally got to our room. "i'm not in the mood to see the servants' eyes full of pity."

he helped slip my dress off, then he stood behind me to undo my very tight corset. "how can you stand wearing this thing the whole day?"

"beauty is pain." i murmured.

"you're beautiful without it." he smiled sweetly at me. 

i couldn't help but smile right back at him. despite my protests, he insisted on helping me put on my sleepwear and even tuck me into bed. he trailed kissed from my neck, to my cheek, then finally on my lips. i giggled each time his lips touched my skin.

"i'll be back in a while, i'm gonna send a letter to sebastian and vianney."

"don't take too long." i said, but i suspected i would fall asleep as soon as he stepped out of the room.

he grinned and left, closing the door behind him. i laid back on the bed and, like i suspected, i quickly fell into a deep sleep.