can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

xxxix

resisting zabdiel's lips had always been a hard task for me to accomplish. specially when they could be against my own with the slightest move of mine.

i closed my eyes as i felt his warm breath fanning over my lips. this was overwhelming. i couldn't give in.

"don't marry him."

i shook my head. "i have to."

i felt one of his hands leaving my wrists to rest on my waist. "why not?"

"i can't do that to him. he will be heartbroken."

he scoffed. "his happiness is more important than your own?"

i opened my eyes to glare at him. "i just like to make everyone happy."

his eyes softened when they found mine. he looked down. "but i love you. you make me happy."

i tried to pull my hands away from his, but he was stronger than me. "don't do this to me."

"don't do this to you? how about don't do this to me? you prefer your mother and christopher over me." he frowned. "you don't love me enough to forget about them?"

oh please, don't pull that card. he's going to make me feel guilty.

"i do love you." i stepped away from him. "but i still am engaged to him."

i love you, but i also love christopher. i want to choose you, but everything around us is telling me to choose christopher.

i closed my eyes again as i felt my chest burn.

"just leave, please. i have to—"

"i won't lose you again, goddamn it." he yelled. i flinched slightly. "not again." he said, this time more quietly.

i shook my head. "you have to go. please."

"i'm not going anywhere."

"zabdiel." i cried out. "don't do this again. i–i just..." i trailed off, trying to come up with an excuse.

"you have to break the engagement before it's too late."

"it is too late!" i hissed. "i'm getting married in a matter of weeks. i can't cancel everything now."

he pressed his lips against my own, taking me off guard. if it wasn't for his arms sneaking around my waist i would've surely had fallen.

i didn't want to give into the kiss, but the desire deep inside me made me move my lips against his.

i pulled away slightly, just enough for our lips to touch when either of us spoke.

my eyes fluttered open. "you're making this so much harder for me."

he didn't answer, he just pulled me towards him and kissed me again. our lips moved slowly, almost as if we didn't want this moment to end.

he took my bottom lip between his teeth and slightly pulled back. i smiled, but finally came to my senses when he started to move his lips towards my neck.

i pushed him away and started to pace around the room.

"i can't do this. for god's sake, i was carrying his baby just months ago."

he held my waist. "babygirl—"

i shook my head. "don't call me that."

he frowned, but kept holding me.

i slipped from his hands and made my way outside. "this was a mistake, im sorry, i have to go." i blurted out and ran out the door.

vianney frowned when i flew right past her in the hall, i saw someone with her but i didnt have time to stop. i had to run. run away from zabdiel so i wouldnt do something i would regret later.

"rose!" i heard her shout once i was at the door. 

i stopped for a moment. i stared at the door. i tried to open it, to finally get out of there, but my body wasnt listening to my mind. 

my breath was getting heavier, i could hear footsteps going down the stairs, i could practically feel his presence behind me. 

i finally opened the door and almost bumped into one of the guards standing outside. 

one of the many guards mother makes me take with me whenever i go out stared at me in concern. "are you okay, your majesty?"

i blinked, his words somehow taking extra time to get to my brain. i nodded eagerly after a couple of seconds. i motioned him to leave, and they guided me to my carriage. 

i looked back and saw zabdiel standing at the top of the beautiful stairs of the front door. i remembered the day my mother made me come, he was standing there, in the exact same spot. that day he looked flawless as ever, an arrogant smirk etched onto his perfect lips as his mother received me and my mother.

but now, he looked like a disaster. his usually tamed curls were now messy as hell under his crown, which was slightly tipped to the side. his chest was raising and falling unevenly. a distraught look on his face instead of the usual smirk.

his sad eyes gazed upon mine one last time before i slowly disappeared from his vision.