can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

ix

my night has been spent being pulled by the people mother knows, being asked how i was and examining the ring on my left ring finger.

after the moment that could be the best moment of my life up until now, i haven't been able to have a moment alone with zabdiel.

when he slipped the ring on my finger and got up, he leaned down and whispered in my ear "not that you're not my queen already, i just have to make it official, babygirl." he kissed my cheek and turned to walk me down the stairs. if i was being honest, i forgot about all the people looking at us. when he began to speak, i felt like we were the only people in the room. his little speech almost made me tear up, but i remembered how sebastian would scold me for ruining my makeup.

speaking of sebastian, he and my mother were the ones who helped and encouraged zabdiel. he asked my mother's permission, said he wanted to do this the right way, even if we were technically engaged before. sebastian helped him with my ring size and even told him about a ring i had seen years ago.

"i didn't think you would remember about it. we were like seventeen when i saw it." i told sebastian when i got the chance to walk away from one of mother's friends.

"well, you did say that if your future husband didn't propose with that ring you wouldn't get married. i had to help the poor guy."

we shared a laugh, but then i was being pulled away again by mother. i stayed quiet mostly, sipping on my second glass of wine of the night as i let mother do all the talk.

but then i saw him, talking to the girl that had separated us back when we were only kids. they were both smiling as they spoke, but zabdiel seemed to be looking around for someone instead of being completely in the conversation. she had her hand on his shoulder, sometimes letting it drop to his arm. i quickly drank my glass and asked for another, drinking it as quickly as i drank the last one. for once, i did not make a move to walk away from mother, i had a perfect view of zabdiel and the princess right here.

i didn't know her personally, but i hated and probably envied her. she had zabdiel wrapped around her finger, she managed to get him to drop me for her, she got to kiss him all the time and do god knows what with him. how could i not envy her when she had all i wanted?

i was brought back to reality by sebastian's voice, "do you mind if i steal the birthday girl for a while?" he smiled politely at mother before pulling me away from them.

"thank god you appeared, i was about to die of boredom."

"i saw your face cor, if looks could kill that princess anne would be six feet under." he chuckled, bringing his glass up to his lips. we noticed zabdiel looking at us, then we looked at each other."may i have this dance?" he smiled.

"why, yes you kind gentleman." i giggled softly, we placed our glasses down and went to the middle of the ballroom. we danced for what felt like hours, we ended up just swinging from side to side and talking. he was trying to get zabdiel and that princess off my mind, which i was thankful for, but i simply couldn't stop thinking about them. i kept stealing glances towards where they were. she was standing quite close to him, closer than i'd like. what if she steals him again, just like years ago?

"are you alright, cor? i can tell you're not listening to me."

i nodded, "i'm fine."

he raised an eyebrow. "i think i've learned to understand girls enough to know that fine is never actually fine." he looked somewhere behind me. "on the bright side, zabdiel seems pretty mad. and he's coming this way."

"no, i don't want to talk to him now." i freaked out, pulling away from sebastian. "if he asks about me, can you tell him i went to the restroom?" sebastian nodded, and then i quickly walked outside through the kitchen door.

i don't even know why i'm overreacting. i look down at the new ring on my finger. zabdiel probably wants to be with her, we may be engaged but that's thanks to my mother. what if he doesn't really want to marry me? what if he's planning on leaving me without saying anything?

i love him. i can't live without him.

why did he ever had to come back into my life? why couldn't he just keep being an asshole, so i could keep pretending to hate him?

"hey, babygirl, what's wrong?"

i closed my eyes, i didn't realize i was crying. "go away." i couldn't see him, but i knew he was doing the exact opposite of what i said.

"princess..." he tried again.

i just shook my head, dropping my head in my hands. my makeup was ruined for sure now. i could hear zabdiel coming closer. "go away!" i repeated, my voice breaking as i spoke.

he lifted my chin so i would look at him. i still refused to look at him as i desperately wiped the tears away. i refused to let him see me like this.

"how did you even find me?" i decided to ask before he bombarded me with questions.

"i knew sebastian was lying when i asked him about you, so i came to the one place you always go to for some peace during these balls."

after that neither of us said anything. somehow i ended up resting my head on zabdiel's chest as he held me while i silently cried.

this isn't how people are supposed to spend their birthdays. they're supposed to have fun, spend the day with their friends. they're not supposed to be sobbing in the middle of a freezing night when they had a party just inside.

zabdiel didn't try to make me tell him why i was such an emotional mess, and i was glad. i wasn't in the mood to yell at him now. i just wanted to lay down on my bed and sleep the night away. of course, mother would kill me if i even dared go upstairs, so i'll have to suffer a little more.

i felt like he was going to say something, so i quickly shushed him. i don't know why, but i just wanted to be with him. "don't say anything. just hold me." and so he did for the next hour.