can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

xxviii

christopher's eyes widened as he finally turned to look at me. he blinked once, as if he was processing my words. his face showed no emotion, meanwhile mine should probably have fear written all over it.

"we're going to be parents, babe." i smiled, trying to get him to do something, to say something. "can you imagine? a little you or a little me running around these halls."

i was beginning to regret telling him. i didn't want this to happen either. not before we got married. but it did, and i'm hoping that he doesn't leave me.

so i kept talking. i wasn't stopping until i received an answer from him. "the doctor confirmed it the other day. i told him that i didn't want to know the gender of the baby yet, so it would be a surprise when they were born." my voice broke as i was finishing my sentence.

my eyes got filled with tears. this was useless. i should have never said anything. he didn't want the baby, he didn't want me anymore. i looked down. i refused to meet his cold eyes anymore. i sat down on a nearby chair and sighed.

i heard his footsteps, i assumed he was going for the door so i kept my face down.

"i'm going to be a father." he whispered. when i looked up he was kneeling down in front of me, his eyes on my stomach. he slowly reached out to rest his palm here. "there's a baby inside of you. our baby. our baby." he seemed to be still in shock. he looked up at me, a smile etched upon his lips.

i wiped my face and smiled back. "for a moment there i thought you were going to walk out on me."

he shook his head, his gaze moving back down where his hand was placed. "i could never do that to you."

i cried again, but this time they weren't tears of sadness. "why are you so perfect?"

"me? perfect?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "i think you're looking into a mirror, babe."

i scoffed, "dork." we both laughed before i tackled him to the floor and showered his face with kisses.

~ ♡ ~

i sighed as i plopped down on my bed and faced the ceiling. now the hard part came, telling my mother.

maybe i could move the wedding forward, pretend that the baby was conceived on our wedding night. i wouldn't have to tell my mother, a little white lie never hurt anyone.

i bit my lip, weighting my options. if i lied, it could come out later on to bite me in the ass. if i said the truth, my mother would kill me and bring the wedding forward anyway.

god, if you're up there, please give me a sign.

a soft knock broke the silence in my room. "come in." i said, but the door didn't open.

i furrowed my eyebrows and got up to open it, but another knock was heard and i realized that the sound was coming from the other door, the one that led to the balcony. i furrowed my eyebrows, hesitantly heading towards the door.

"who is it?" i tried. i received no response. i opened the door a bit, only to be able to see who was standing outside. "what are you doing here so late? come on." i opened the door wider to let him in.

"we need to talk." zabdiel said when i closed the door behind him.

"what about?"

he paused, his eyes scanning my body. i suddenly felt self conscious in my nightgown. i played with the hem, pulling it down when i felt his gaze on me.

in one single movement he had pushed me toward the door behind me and pinned my wrists beside me. "i really want to kiss you right now."

my breath hitches at his words.

his cold hand contrasted with my warm skin, making a shiver run down my spine as it touched my cheek. his lips were less than an inch away from mine, i only had to move forward and i would press my lips against his. but i can't do it. i can't do this.

his lips barely brush against mine as he speaks again, "can i, baby?"

if he would've said this a couple months ago, i would've jumped happily into his arms.

but now, i have christopher. i have a baby on the way with him. i can't throw everything away just because zabdiel is now realizing that he shouldn't have let me go. i moved on. so could he.

"i can't." i tried to break free from his grasp. "let me go. please. i'm not feeling well." i saw his eyes harden, but they then softened up as i rubbed my wrists.

he took a step backwards. "ba—"

"don't call me that." i frowned. "you've got to stop playing with me."

"i haven't done anything."

"that's the problem!" i exclaimed. "you claimed to love me and what not, but then you didn't do anything to save our relationship. when i got with christopher, i just wanted to get over you. part of me was hoping that you would try to prove yourself but," i sighed. "but you didn't. and now you keep acting so weird around me, what the hell is going on with you?"

he looked down, clearly avoiding my eyes. "i tried."

i scoffed. "just get out. i have to wake up early tomorrow."

he headed towards the door, but not before he grabbed my face and kissed me. as if it was a reflex, i felt my body relax and kiss him back. i finally came to my senses and pushed him away from me. i could swear i saw a smile on his lips before he disappeared behind the door.