can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

xvi

maybe zabdiel and i just were never meant to be together. maybe there's someone better for me out there. maybe that someone is christopher. who knows, maybe i'll just end up giving up and mom will make me get married to some old man.

why is it called falling in love?

falling means collapsing. collapsing means breaking.

is that what love is about? being broken? what is the point in loving someone if they will never love you back?

my mother's obsession with finding a husband for me is rubbing off on me. i gave up trying to convince her to let me marry for love instead of marrying for my kingdom's benefit.

"why don't you marry christopher?" sebastian asked me a couple days ago. "he likes you, you know. you're all he talks about. he actually wants to ask for your hand in marriage."

you should know that i spit my tea on his face when he said that last part. christopher wanted to ask for my hand in marriage? yes, keep getting me into relationships without consulting me.

"why the hell do you think he comes all the way to visit you like every single day? i swear i live way closer than him and i still struggle between my bed and our friendship."

soon enough, christopher came one day straight to the library to talk with my mother. she surprisingly had a change of heart and wanted me to accept or decline his proposal.

he stood in front of me, holding both my hands with a wide smile on his face. "christopher has asked me for your hand." mother said, "but i think that should be your decision to make." he bit his lip nervously, awaiting for my answer.

i liked christopher. he was nice, he was a gentleman, he treated me like a queen, he loved me. but he wasn't zabdiel.

but i had to get over zabdiel. if it didn't work out in the past, why did i think it would work out now? even while we were being forced to?

so of course i gave my reply without a second thought. "i would be honoured."

~ ♡ ~

i can't get him out of my head. people are wondering what happened with zabdiel's proposal on my birthday, why did i have such a change of heart, and everything related. there was not one person who wasn't talking about it.

"where's the ring?" sebastian said as soon as he walked into my room.

i rolled my eyes, "there's no ring yet."

"how boring. when is he giving you the ring?"

i shrugged. "we want to throw a small dinner party, he will ask for my mother's permission in front of everyone."

"knowing your mother it will not be a small dinner party."

"as much as i hate to admit it, you're right." i smiled. "but i really do want just you and christopher's family there."

mother has always loved to brag. she will do anything to brag about my engagement to every single person she encounters.

now the wedding is another story. i want every single one of the villagers to be in the ball. everyone will be invited to celebrate with us, it's not fair that the royals get to drink and dance for free while the villagers work to pay for those balls. mother will protest, i can hear her already, but it's my wedding so it will be as i say. it's already settled that the wedding will take place at a church in christopher's kingdom, and the ball will be in my castle.