can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

xxxi

i hated when my mother dragged me to funerals of people that i barely knew, if i knew them at all. funerals were a special moment you had to say goodbye to someone close to you.

when my father died i refused to let anyone near me besides christopher, sebastian or zabdiel. everyone came up to me, saying how sorry they felt, but i didn't want their pity. they didn't care that my father died. they didn't care about how i felt. they all were there for appearances.

when i received the letter notifying me of zabdiel's mother's death, i felt devastated. she was like a second mother to me while growing up. i couldn't believe she was gone just like that.

when i arrived i couldn't hold back my tears. i knew how zabdiel felt, after all i did lose a parent too. i had yet to see him, i was saying hi to the handful of people that i sort of knew. most of them looked at me with pity, they knew how close i used to be with her.

christopher rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb whenever he felt me uneasy. i thanked him every time with a small smile.

when i finally saw zabdiel he was talking to a girl no much younger than us. she had the same brown curls as him, but her skin was a little more pale. i had never seen her around, her clothes gave away that she wasn't part of a royal family.

as soon as he saw me he enveloped me in a hug. i didn't hesitate to let go on christopher's hand to hug him back. sometimes all we need it's a hug from someone that we loved. i rubbed his back when i felt him crying on my shoulder.

he didn't say a word, but neither did i. we didn't need to talk to be able to communicate. i turned my head slightly to leave a small kiss on his cheek. he tightened his arms around me when i did.

when we pulled away i asked him where his father was.

"he's in bed." he said. "he's too sick to attend."

i felt my heart get crushed when he spoke. not only because his voice sounded broken, but also because if his father was as sick as he said, he could pass away soon.

i turned for a moment to look at the girl he had previously been talking to. she faintly reminded me of zabdiel's father.

i heard zabdiel and christopher talking. it brought me a little joy to hear them not yelling at each other. it reminded me of the good old times. they shared a brief hug before zabdiel excused himself and left us.

i couldn't interpret the look on christopher's face. i didn't have time to, in a second he was already holding my hand and pulling me towards some people he apparently knew.

i let go of his hand, telling him that i would be right back. i walked around a little until i found a chair and i sat down. zabdiel soon joined me, he sat on the chair beside me.

but when i looked at him, i couldn't help but cry. he just looked so sad, so broken.

i didn't know why i just bursted out crying though, maybe it was my hormones. i had heard that when you're pregnant you're emotional.

i grabbed his hand. i didn't know what to say, but i don't think he wanted to talk anyways.

"i know that you're pregnant."

"zabdiel, this is not the place to talk about this."

he shook his head. "i just want to tell you that i hope that you two are happy together. he's really lucky."

i looked down. "zabdiel..."

"i don't hate him. i really don't. i just hate the fact that he is marrying the woman than i love."

i sighed. "we'll talk soon. for now, you have to be with your father, you only have each other now."

he kissed the back of my hand. it was an unexpected gesture, but my heart warmed when i felt his lips against my skin.

a familiar blonde head appeared in front of us and quickly rushed to hug zabdiel.

i looked away and pulled my hand from zabdiel's, but he held it firmly and refused to let me go. she then turned to me and examined our hands.

"princess, it's good to see you. but it's sad that it's under these conditions."

i nodded. she looked once again at our hands and then at zabdiel with a raised eyebrow. he just rolled his eyes.

"you still talk to her?" i sounded more bitter than i intended to. it wasn't my business anymore.

"we're friends, yes."

i looked down at our hands that were now resting on zabdiel's lap. he had intertwined our fingers.

"i know that we're not on the best terms." i looked back up at him, only to find him looking at me already. "but i will be right here whenever you need me. i love you, you were my best friend, not letting our friendship go down the drain just because our relationship didn't work out."

a faint smile appeared on his lips. he hugged me again. it was a quick hug. "thank you." he said when he pulled away.

he was there when i needed him the most, so i will be right next to him whenever he needs me.