can i, baby? | zdj & cvm | completed

xiii

when i wake up, i feel a warmth on my hand. i open my eyes to find zabdiel holding my hand. he's sitting on a chair beside my bed, he's resting his head on my bed, he seems to be asleep.

"i tried to kick him out, but with your mother away and you unconscious, the servants couldn't do much." sebastian spoke as he looked out my window.

"i'm sorry, seb. i didn't–"

sebastian laughed. "i swear if you're about to apologize for fainting."

i can't help but smile at him. "you know me too well."

i look down at zabdiel. "he hasn't moved from that position since last night, i'm surprised he even fell asleep." sebastian said. "he refused to let you out of his sight."

i nodded, still looking at zabdiel. "i don't want him here."

sebastian looked at me apologetically. "i know. i'm sorry."

i sighed, taking my hand out of his grasp. i tried to get up, but sebastian quickly pushed me back on the bed.

"no getting up, babe. do you want some water? i'll go get it for you."

before i could reply, sebastian walked out of my room, leaving me alone with zabdiel. zabdiel wakes up, seeming confused for a moment. then he looked at me and smiled.

"thank god you're fine, baby, i was worried about you. i'm so sorry for what i've done, i love you so much, it broke me to see you like that yesterday."

he suddenly stopped talking, as if he finally realized i wasn't paying attention to him. he frowned when i refused to let him touch me.

"princess?"

i shook my head, "don't call me that." is it possible that your heart could hurt physically, not in a metaphorical way? because mine does now. "you lied to me."

"babygirl, i didn't—"

"you didn't lie?" i scoffed and turned to him. "then look at me in the eye and tell me that you didn't ditch me for her."

"rose—"

"let me finish." i snapped. "look at me in the fucking eye and tell me you didn't spent the day after my birthday with her." he stayed quiet after that. i laughed, because at the moment it's better than crying. "i should've known. she separated us once and she's doing it again."

zabdiel grabbed my face and pressed our lips together. my feelings went against me, i started to kiss him back. i let him hold me and pull me closer as the kiss became desperate with hunger. we didn't even take a split second to breathe. it was like his lips were all the air i needed.

our moment was cut short when sebastian came in with an unexpected guest behind him.

"cor, there's this," he paused, as if restraining from insulting her. i sure as hell won't restrain from nothing. "guest that wants to see you."

i pushed zabdiel away from me and looked at the last person in the world that i would want to see right now. she still looks as young and beautiful as she did seven years ago. but how could she not, she must barely be in her early thirties at most.

i always wished to have the perfect thin body, soft, blonde hair, have blue or green eyes, wear the tightest dresses ever made. basically, a girl most guys would go for. but that was when i was just a little girl. when i grew up, i began to realize that not everything is about the outside, so i was just fine with how i looked. i kept growing up, i found myself looking at the girl that was everything i wished to be and saw that my crush was dropping me for her so what happens? of course, i start comparing myself to her and my self esteem drops in an instant. she was older, she could have any guy, they all dropped to their knees for her. she was only a princess back then, but she was still married. she was probably like ten years older than us.

i was only fifteen when i first noticed i had a not so high self esteem, it took me years to rebuild it. i was only twenty-two when my self esteem dropped to the floor once again, when i looked at the very cause of many my problems.

all those issues, all those thoughts were pushed to the back of my head as i gave her a fake smile. "queen anne, i'm honoured to be in your presence."

she laughed and, it's not because i'm jealous, but her laugh seemed slightly fake. "no need for those formalities yet darling, i still have to be coronated." she smiled, goddammit even her smile is fucking perfect. her teeth are so white i swear it's not human.

"well in that case princess, what brings you here?"

"well, you see this handsome young man that is your fiancé promised me for a ride around the place. i haven't been able to go out in years and i want to see everything."

this fucker. let's say that he talked to me yesterday and we somehow had made up, was he going to say 'oh yeah, i'm going for a walk with the very woman you don't want near me' or was he just going to lie again?

"oh, really? that's lovely. go with her zabdiel, i'm just fine here. sebastian is taking care of me. who am i to wreck your plans?" anne looked at me, still smiling.

"fancy coming with us, princess rose?"

"i would love to, but i am indisposed at the moment. besides, who am i to crash two good ol' best buddies' day out? you two must have a lot to catch up on."

"no worries, dear! we already got caught up a couple days ago. we wouldn't mind you coming with us."

a couple days ago?

"well, i repeat, i'm indisposed at the moment. otherwise, i would go."

she grinned and came up to zabdiel, grabbing his arm and pulling him away. zabdiel didn't even bother look back as he left.

when they were finally out, i dropped on my bed and whined. "is she really that nice or was she acting?"

but sebastian only shrugged, "she seems like a bitch."

i frowned. "you're just saying that to make me feel better."

"is it working?"

i rolled my eyes, but smiled anyway. "maybe."

"so you're indisposed?"

"if i spent another second in her presence i don't know what i would've done."

sebastian sat beside me and draped an arm over my shoulders. "how about we get out of here? at least to the gardens, you should get some fresh air."

as tempting as it sounded to get out and stop thinking about zabdiel, i just wanted to stay in bed all day. besides, mother would be back soon and i have to talk to her.

"no, thanks. i want to stay in today, seb."

he left a couple minutes later, leaving me all alone in my room. i tried to go back to sleep, but i couldn't. i couldn't get them out of my head. what was going to happen with zabdiel and i?