Determinant: One choice will change everything

Chapter 22: Tobias - Searching

Chapter 22: Tobias – Searching

I hate fighting with Tris, hate everything about it, especially now. My mind is still mired in the memory I showed Caleb yesterday, and it hurt to watch Tris leave like that, without even looking at me. It felt like physical pain, as if she ripped part of me away and carried it with her. Why does she have to be so stubborn sometimes?

It's not like I wanted us to go separate ways today, but it would have been worse to defy Amar in front of everyone. I know from my time training initiates how important it is to establish authority up front. You can never really do it later. And this mission will be far more dangerous if the others don't follow Amar's lead, if they don't obey his orders quickly and without question. No, I had to make it clear he was in charge. I just wish Tris had understood.

I grit my teeth in frustration. I don't even know when I'll have a chance to explain, assuming she'll let me. It's not like there's any privacy in this group.

"There's another station on the left side," Christina calls, interrupting my thoughts, and I force my attention back to the present. This is no time to be unfocused.

The others surround the pumps as they did at the last station, facing outwards, guns ready, while I check to see if there's anything we can use here. My father taught me years ago how to get gas from a station without electricity, but it's often not possible. You need a manual crank, or a backup generator, or access to the underground tank, or a way to power the pump from a vehicle's engine. This station doesn't provide any of that.

"No luck," I tell the others. "Let's move on."

Christina and Cara walk along one side of the road, talking occasionally in quiet voices. I keep a loose eye on Christina's leg, watching for signs of weakness that will get us into trouble later. So far, though, I have to give her credit. She's keeping up a good pace without complaining.

Peter migrates closer to me as we continue, and it occurs to me that I never had a chance to ask him about his motives before we left. This is probably the best opportunity I'll get.

"Exactly why did you come on this mission?" I ask him bluntly, my eyes shifting between him and the road ahead.

He looks at me with mild surprise. I suppose it is a much more Candor-like question than I normally ask.

"Well? Aren't you going to threaten to hurt me if I don't answer?" he prompts.

A twinge goes through me as I realize how many times I've done exactly that. Now that I know his background is like mine, it feels wrong to do it again. Instead, I look around at the shattered roads and empty city and respond, "No, but if I don't think we can trust you, you're not coming with us. So, decide now if you want to live here on your own or give me an honest answer."

Peter gazes at our surroundings, and I can tell he's actually considering it. Maybe he's right. There's plenty of wildlife to eat here, and with weapons and a plethora of empty buildings to use as his home, he could probably do fine until the war is resolved.

Just as I think he's decided to go that route, he answers me. "I came along because the safest place to be is wherever the Stiff is."

I cock an eyebrow at him. He can't possibly be serious. But he shrugs and says, "It's not like there are a bunch of choices. The city's coming under attack, and the rebels are all going to fight, so that's out. And everyone else is under mind control – and there's no way I'm living like that. But somehow she always ends up getting what she wants, no matter what dumb thing she does that should get her killed. So, all things considered…I'll stick with her."