Determinant: One choice will change everything

Chapter 26: Tobias - Pawns

Chapter 26: Tobias – Pawns

It's strange saying goodbye to Lauren, with everyone trying to be upbeat about our odds of all surviving and making it back to Chicago when I still doubt that will happen. Tris has given her the best possible chance, but that wound is severe.

It doesn't help that I still feel responsible for her injury, especially since if I had it to do over again, I would probably make the same decision. I just don't trust my father to be in charge, and Lauren was the logical alternative.

Even without the guilt, though, I know it would be difficult to say goodbye. I've so rarely said a farewell to anyone in my life – usually, people have simply left me, or I've left them, but there was never any discussion about it. The only exception was with Zeke, and he wasn't covered with blood at the time.

Honestly, it would have been easier to just slink off and not say anything, but when Tris kneels beside Lauren and squeezes her hand, muttering something quiet, I can already tell there's no way to avoid this. Sure enough, the others follow suit, and then all eyes are on me as I shuffle forward awkwardly.

Lauren seems to recognize my discomfort. She shakes my hand Dauntless-style and tells me it's been an honor working with me, and I try to return the sentiment. I apparently don't do a very good job, because Tris doesn't meet my eyes afterwards. Or maybe she just hates this whole situation as much as I do. We've both seen death enough times to know when it's waiting for someone, and it's never easy when you see it hovering.

The plan is to gradually swap places with the rebels we pick up, changing clothes in their apartments and letting them take our spaces in the truck. Tris, Uriah, and I are the first to be exchanged this way, and I know it's because we're picking up the safest people first, and Amar wants to expose the three of us to as little danger as possible.

After we change, we wait in the miniscule apartment for Pari and Peter to come collect us. It's an awkward wait. My eyes hang on Tris, thinking about everything we could be doing if Uriah weren't here, but even after all the times Zeke made out with someone in front of me, I'm not willing to do that to his brother. So, we sit there looking at each other, unable to say much with people on the other side of the thin walls.

Eventually, Uriah starts signing to Tris in Morse code, and I watch curiously. I was in Erudite when he taught the others, so I never had a chance to learn it, and it occurs to me now that it would be a useful thing to know. Uriah seems to realize that too, or perhaps Tris signs it to him, because after a moment they begin trying to teach me.

It's slow going, but over the two hours we spend waiting, I get the hang of some basics. I actually pick up more from Tris than from Uriah, despite the fact that he's far more familiar with it. I guess my way of thinking is just more like hers.

Finally, Pari and Peter come into the room, looking a bit worn down. But when Peter starts to sit, Pari snaps her fingers at him angrily.

"Come on," she whispers fiercely. She turns her eyes to the rest of us and adds, "I have directions to a good pawn shop."

Unfortunately, it quickly becomes clear that the directions aren't great, or at least that they aren't effective for someone who doesn't know this city. We end up retracing our path several times to get back on track, trying to read old, dirty street signs without looking obviously out of place. It's been a very long time since I felt this lost – the last time, I was a young child trying to walk to school on my own for the first time, and I took a wrong turn. The school office reported me for being late, and my father beat me hard that night. After that, I studied maps diligently so I could always find my way, but wandering these unfamiliar streets brings the old fear back more than I care to admit.