Determinant: One choice will change everything

Chapter 10: Tobias - 3:30 a.m.

Chapter 10: Tobias – 3:30 a.m.

When I wake up at three-thirty, Tris' warm body is snuggled against mine, her head resting in the crook of my arm. For a moment, I just let awareness of her fill me, noticing every place her skin touches mine, running the whole length of her. I've never woken to a better moment.

Last night wasn't what I expected. Health class in school just taught us the clinical basics of how the body works, and Abnegation ignored the subject of sex altogether. So, most of my information came from guys talking in the locker room, full of bravado and exaggeration of their exploits.

They always made it sound like the whole thing was about physical pleasure, and there was certainly plenty of that – far more intense than I imagined – but for me, that was only part of it. The larger part, I know without question, was only there because I was with Tris. I used to be embarrassed about being so inexperienced at the age of eighteen, but now I'm glad my first time was with her. I wouldn't have traded this for anything.

Tris shifts slightly, and feeling begins to return to my arm. It must have fallen asleep from being pressed under her. Pins and needles shoot through my wrist and fingers, painfully sharp, but I can't move my arm without disturbing her, and right now I'd rather gnaw it off than do that. She looks so sweet snuggled there.

I look up, realizing that we should have turned the lamp off. There's no point wasting batteries. But it's out of reach, and I decide I don't care that much. We probably won't need it after tonight anyway. Instead, I turn my head away from the light, pressing my lips to Tris' soft hair and breathing in her scent, and I let myself return to sleep. My dreams are amazing the rest of the night, but no more so than reality. This is how life should always be.