Determinant: One choice will change everything

Chapter 20: Tobias - A Rough Ride

Chapter 20: Tobias – A Rough Ride

This ride is even more uncomfortable than the last one. We're crammed in the same tight, windowless van as last time, bumping up and down over uneven pavement and, at times, what is clearly dirt. At least the motion sickness distracts me from the claustrophobia.

We spend the first stretch of time learning about NUSA's culture, slang, and accents, to help us blend in when we get there. Pari and Margot explain everything they think we need to know, based on their time growing up in Philadelphia. It's way too much information at once for everything to stick, but we practice the most important aspects. They seem satisfied with our progress – until we work on body language.

"Do you even know how to slouch?" Margot asks me in annoyance. "You're supposed to look down-trodden, not like you have a metal rod in your back."

I grit my teeth. I've spent the last two years learning to stand up straight and look confident, and now they want me to act like I did while I was still living with my father....

Lauren answers for me. "We spend a lot of time learning not to slouch in Dauntless. It's a hard habit to change."

"Well, it's a habit that will get us all killed," Margot states flatly. "So, find a way!"

I sigh, looking at the others. They're all putting on a good kicked-puppy act, even Tris, who normally looks so strong. "How are you doing it?" I ask her.

She smiles slightly as she answers, "Sometimes, it helps to show a little vulnerability, even if it's not real." I don't smile back. The comment brings up an image of her, bruised and beaten, putting on a false face to stay safe from Peter, and later from Eric. I didn't like having her do that then, and I don't like it now, but I suppose she's right. We need to look weak without really feeling that way, and a pretend fear is a decent way to do that.

"What should I fake?" I ask reluctantly.

"I hear insects are good," Uriah says with a grin.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "It probably needs a grain of truth to work, since I'm clearly not much of an actor."

Caleb suggests tentatively, "You're very protective. Maybe you could think about the little girl from the aptitude test being in danger. She's not real, so she won't trigger a strong reaction, but it might be enough."

It's not a bad idea, but before I can respond, Christina snorts loudly. "Protective? I missed that when Molly was beating the crap out of me, and when Eric made me dangle from the chasm."

Tris snaps an answer. "Four wasn't there then, remember? And he did try to get Eric to let us surrender during fights."

Christina rolls her eyes and says, "Fine, then I didn't see much protectiveness when he was throwing knives at you."

"That was being protective," I snarl, "since the alternative was for Eric to throw them."

Christina looks frustrated. "I'm not saying you're a bad guy or anything," she tries to clarify. "I just think you need a realistic vulnerability, and I don't think people become Dauntless instructors if they're 'very protective.'"

"They do if they're protecting their best friend's Divergent brother," Uriah answers firmly, and I feel a brief flare of gratitude. I never said it aloud, to anyone, but I guess it wasn't hard to figure out that was my primary goal when I volunteered to train this year's initiates.

"It's a moot point, anyway," Cara interrupts. As everyone looks at her, she turns to me and adds, "My observations have been that you respond to fear with strength and an excellent poker face. So, feeling vulnerable won't help you look weaker. I think you should try thinking of something relaxing instead, or even a little bit happy."