Determinant: One choice will change everything

Chapter 25: Tris - Crowded

Chapter 25: Tris – Crowded

I don't understand what's going on with Tobias. Yes, this trip has been stressful – for all of us – but that's no excuse for attacking Marcus without provocation. And as far as I can tell, there was none.

Caleb sits next to me in silence. I know he's trying to provide a comforting presence, staying quiet so I can speak or not as I choose, the way Abnegation always taught us. But since he's not the person I want to talk with right now, I don't. Instead, I alternate between glaring at the floor and watching Marcus. Something must have passed between them to make Tobias react the way he did, but it's not until Marcus' cold eyes turn to Lauren that I figure it out.

The way Marcus looks at her is familiar. It's the same way he eyed Christina back in Erudite headquarters, before he said we had to leave her behind because she was too injured to take with us. Lauren is that same type of liability now, and I'm sure Marcus will want to leave her to die, or possibly do something worse, to protect the mission. That must be what caused Tobias to react so violently.

But if so, why won't he talk to me about it? Or at least sit by me? His absence feels like a type of rejection, as if he doesn't want anything to do with me while he's thinking about Lauren. I try to push the idea away; Tobias has made it clear that he loves me, and I shouldn't waste time on unfounded jealousy, particularly when I agree with his concern. I don't want any more harm to come to Lauren. I don't.

But I don't want my boyfriend to avoid me while thinking about her, either. And as hard as I try to shove that thought away, it keeps finding its way back in. I suppose it's my own reaction to the stress.

I'm glad when the vehicle finally pulls to a stop, even if I don't know what to expect next. At least it's something different, and I can't take much more of sitting in tense silence.

As the engine cuts out, Tobias pulls his gun and aims it at me, and I belatedly remember that I'm supposed to be a prisoner. Caleb shifts a bit farther away from me as I close my cuffs and adjust the expression on my face into the sullen, defeated look they had me practice to perfection. Admittedly, it's easier to summon that look right now, with Tobias' hard eyes on me. I don't meet his gaze.

We all jump a little when Amar throws the door open and yells, "Bring the prisoner!" He points in turn at Christina and Peter and gestures them toward me. Tobias stands too, and he and Amar exchange a long look as they silently argue about whether or not he can come with us. Amar's mouth pushes down at the corners, and he turns an evaluating gaze on Marcus before finally nodding, and Tobias steps over to me. I'm relieved that he's insisting we stick together, but after my new realization, part of me worries about leaving Marcus here with Lauren.

Turning to Caleb, I whisper, "Keep Lauren safe." His eyes widen, and I know he doesn't understand why I would stress that now, but he nods anyway. As I turn to face the door of the truck, I realize how good it feels to trust my brother again.

Tobias takes my arm from behind, guiding me through the door and down to the ground as he carefully holds the gun to my head. For a few seconds, I'm still angry with him, and I almost shake his hand off, but the weapon reminds me that we have an act to maintain – and that we're in real danger. I don't want to repeat yesterday's events, facing death knowing that my last interaction with Tobias was to reject him. So, I let him hold my arm and stand closer to me than the act truly requires, and I remind myself that even if I don't like how he behaved in the last ten minutes, I do still love him.

I look around, trying to ignore the smell that is even stronger out here. We're standing on the side of a filthy road, the flickering streetlights dimly illuminating buildings that are some ten stories tall on both sides of the street. Years' worth of accumulated grime hangs from them, looking black against what was probably once a pale cement color. The street and sidewalk are even worse, with garbage, urine, and feces mixing together into piles that assault the eyes and nose equally. I try to keep my expression neutral, as if I've spent a lifetime in settings like this.