Determinant: One choice will change everything

Chapter 32: Tobias - Location

Chapter 32: Tobias – Location

Part of me feels like Tris has gone to Erudite. I know it's an overreaction, but I can't seem to clear the comparison from my head. All I can think is that she's out of my sight and beyond my reach if she needs help, and she's potentially in danger. And the worry eats at me more and more the longer the day stretches on.

It would be better if we had something interesting to do – anything to distract me – but instead we walk as we did yesterday. We're all in one group, since we only have Margot to guide us today, and we trudge along streets that are farther away from the buildings, but other than that, it's exactly the same as yesterday. And just as frustrating.

My father is walking more normally now, apparently having healed some overnight. I guess he slept better than I did. That shouldn't surprise me; he's had plenty of experience sleeping soundly regardless of what happened during the day. I, on the other hand, can't even remember the last time I got a full night's sleep.... I guess it was back in Dauntless, months ago, before I found the war plans. Before initiation began. Before I found out Eric would be overseeing the training. Before I began worrying about Uriah showing his Divergence. Before thoughts of Tris kept me awake until the early hours of the morning, only to be followed by nightmares about what might happen to her. Before the war and everything that has happened since. Before this mission that has left me facing my only four fears at every conceivable moment. It's been a very long time....

I move my gaze away from Marcus, trying to shift my train of thought. It's hard enough to deal with him on a good day. Right now, it's beyond foolish to dwell on him.

I'm not sure it's an improvement when my eyes fall on Peter. He's been keeping his distance from me and Uriah and Christina today, watching us warily. Realistically, he doesn't need to worry. Tris had the final word in last night's discussion, and we won't act against him right now, not without new provocation. But I certainly don't bother to tell him that, and I notice that Uriah and Christina don't either. I guess we're all willing to let him squirm a little longer.

We use our dwindling cash to buy lunch from a street vendor, and we eat on a sidewalk that's within sight of both of the buildings we're watching. The food is stale and virtually tasteless, and I'm too worried to want to eat anyway, but I force most of it down. My body needs something to help it run, and if I can't give it sleep or freedom from stress or any type of emotional reassurance, I have to at least give it calories. But finally my stomach rebels, and I give the rest to a small child who watches us hungrily. She runs away with it like she can't believe her luck, and suddenly I feel guilty for eating as much as I did.

The first two broadcasts of the day come and go, and the sun slowly sets, and there's still no sign of Tris or the others. In a way, the darkness is useful, since it hides my increasing agitation. I'm practically twitching, and I can't help looking around, hoping that maybe Tris is within sight after all, and I somehow just missed her. I can feel my father's eyes on me in growing disapproval; yesterday, he wouldn't even look at me, but today he feels comfortable judging me again. I guess he didn't need much recovery time for that.

And then she's finally here, approaching us as fast as she can without drawing attention, her expression carefully neutral. For a second, I'm filled with nothing but relief, and then I realize she's alone. Something must have gone wrong.

I approach her as casually as I can manage, imitating the way I've seen people greet their friends over the last two days. She does the same, but as our eyes lock, I can see the anxiety in hers. Still, it's worry – not outright panic. Whatever is happening, we don't need to run right now. So, I pull her into the protective circle of my arms and hold her against me as I press my cheek to hers. My lips brush her ear, and I can hear her breathing against mine.