Because I Love You✔️

Chapter 86: To Be Strong

Chapter Eighty-Six: To Be Strong

After Xaphile left her alone, a dull, throbbing ache began to permeate the inside of Ella's chest.

Lifting a hand and holding it lightly against her breast, she leaned back and stared up at the domed ceiling without seeing it.

"Why am I hurting so much?" she whispered inaudibly, squeezing the front of her dress as if it could keep her heart from shattering into a million pieces. A knock suddenly reverberated through the room. "Whoever you are, please... go away. I am not yet myself."

Ignoring the request, the person outside slid the door open, but she refused to look at her visitor and instead continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Ella?" Sinmir's deep voice murmured. "Are you all right?"

"I am fine," she mumbled, not moving from her spot. "I need to be alone for a little while."

Sinmir glanced over his shoulder at Gus, Amelia, and Vrael, who were all peering into the room, and motioned for them to go. With great hesitance, the trio disappeared from the doorway and he closed it with a single gentle click then walked over and knelt down beside her.

Ella looked up at him, glaring through her lashes, but to her surprise he actually winced.

"I recognize that look," he grunted, giving her a sympathetic stare. "So, you finally told him how you felt, huh?"

Ella didn't know what to do. 

Her hand tightened and shook a little as the ache intensified. How could she ever hope to understand this pain, this grief?

It was so unfamiliar, yet at the same time, so familiar that it was almost maddening.

In the end, she had to sit up since she had a knot in her stomach that was bugging her.

"I gave him my heart," she said simply, staring at the wall, "but he refused to accept my feelings, and the worst part is, I can't even blame him for it. After what I did to him, he'll never truly come to care for me, and the realization that I'm in love with a man I can never have... it hurts."

Sinmir winced again, then took off his horned helmet and shook his blonde hair out. Tossing it aside, he leaned forward and wrapped her up in a tight embrace. Ella pressed her face into the scruffy beard that brushed against her cheek, squeezing her eyes shut to halt her tears. 

His arms were big, warm, and comforting... they gave her strength.

"He'll eventually come around."

In an attempt to regain the last bits of her pride and composure, she pulled back and rose.

His grey eyes followed her, missing absolutely nothing.

"I need something to do," she said softly, voice lacking any trace of tears. "I need to think of something other than him for a few minutes. First, I need to apologize to everyone for disturbing them like that, then we need to discuss the future. After we've covered the important things and gotten everyone up to speed with what's going on, I'll meditate."

She would have seemed collected enough had her voice not cracked on the last word.

Sinmir rose himself and set a hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly.

"Are you sure you want to do this so soon?" he asked, raising a single eyebrow. "Every girl your age has a right, even if only for an hour, to have time to herself in this situation."

Ella just shook her head.

"I need time to process this," she sighed, and Sinmir dropped his hand. "I need time to recover my wits, and the only way for me to do that is by putting myself to use. Just because Xaphile rejected me once doesn't mean I've given up on making him mine."