Because I Love You✔️

Chapter 120: Back to the Border

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty: Back to the Border

The next six days were a cold, wet nightmare for everyone.

The rain continued pouring and only stopped near sundown, when everyone made camp. Little was said between anyone, and tensions began to grow due to the discomfort of traveling in such poor weather. Vordt was the only one who remained completely dry, much to Gus's chagrin.

A result of his magic, no doubt.

While they traveled, the faery women normally kept to themselves, and at night they slept in the branches of the enormous trees with their squirrels, keeping watch over the group below with curious eyes. By the end of the seventh day, Xaphile was relieved to be near the magic barrier. 

After camp was made and the horses had been tended to, he, Sinmir, Vrael, Gus, and Ella changed into some dry clothes, which Amelia kept sheltered from the elements in her magic traveling bag. Then, everyone turned in for the evening, too drained to do much else.

Everyone but him.

That night, Xaphile lay wide awake, staring up at the enormous black canopies which occasionally dripped water onto him, thinking about the horror he was going to experience upon walking through the magical barrier for the second time. 

His heart raced and he felt sick to his core at the thought of watching Ella die in his arms a third time. Anxiety danced around mockingly in the pit of his stomach. So much had been revealed to him in the last few months that his mind didn't know which facet to explore, which emotion to allow himself to feel... confusion, hurt, betrayal, depression, grief, anger, apathy... hope?

Trust?

Happiness?

The ember of warmth that he didn't want to acknowledge?

Could there possibly be room enough for all? For he felt as if he were drowning in their wake.

He had done what he'd vowed never to do again and gotten attached to other people.

A sudden violent-tinted presence filled his consciousness.

'Are you all right?' Ella silently asked, and a wash of dim worry swept across his heart. 'You've been in a strange mood all week now, Xaphile... I can't hold my silence anymore. Your heat ended days ago, so why are you so troubled?'

He didn't respond immediately, but he could feel her eyes on him.

She was lying sprawled out on her sleeping roll beside Amelia not too far away.

He let out a deep sigh through his nose.

'I'm worried about going through the barrier, among other things,' he told her. 'I don't... want to see the things I did last time, Ella. I can't go through it again.'

She was silent for a moment. 

'I think you should consult your uncle about it,' she told him. 'The Fae are the ones who put that awful barrier around their lands. Perhaps there is a way to allow us safe passage through it.' 

Xaphile blinked, digesting that advice a little quietly. 

He hadn't spoken with Vordt since the day he'd admitted to losing his mind and kissing Ella flat on the mouth, which had sealed the two of them together, again. After being given an awkward explanation about how and why he'd gone into heat, Vordt had offered to remove the seal.

But, for whatever reason, he'd hesitated. 

He hadn't been able to agree to it.

In the end, he hadn't given his uncle a clear answer on what he wanted to do, just a half-assed excuse that he needed to think about it. Vordt had taken one look at his conflicted expression and gone dark, and after that, the conversation had been over, so they'd gone back.