Twitter ∞ Dan Howell

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As someone in a film I will never admit to enjoying once said, "when you get bit by a snake, you have to suck all the poison out."

 And that's what I had to do. I was going to follow in Cady's footsteps and suck all the poison out of my life. 

I started with Bess. We met at a cafe by the river, and when I got there she was at a table by the window, sunlight glimpsing her head, big, heavy sunglasses pushed up over her hair. Her eyes found my almost instantly. She looked like she'd been crying. 

I took the seat opposite her, and she stared at me, thin-lipped, before tucking her hands over each other. I think she was waiting for me to say something. 

'I'm sorry,' I said. I figured that was a good thing to open with. 'I really am, Bess. What I said the other night was stupid and inconsiderate.'

Bess nodded slowly, letting her eyes lower to the wooden table. She was silent for a moment. Eventually she asked quietly, 'am I really not your type?'

I reached forwards and wrapped my hands around hers. 'I don't have a type, Bess. I like you because of who you are and not because of some pre-destined set of features.'

She looked up, stare critical. 'And you're not lying?'

'No.'

She let out a small breath, perhaps in relief. 'Okay.' She nodded to herself. 'Okay, I can work with that.' She reached up and plucked her sunglasses off her head, letting them rest on the table. She ran a hand through her hair. 'So, is she your type?'

I blinked. 'Who?'

Bess gave me a you-can't-be-serious look. 'Dan, you know exactly who I'm talking about.'

'Um, right, yes,' I said, clearing my throat. 'Uh, I'm not sure. Like I said, I don't really have a type.'

'Yes, fine, but you're attracted to her, yeah?'

I paused, Bess' eyes drilling into me. I figured it was better to tell the truth than lie. Lies had never gotten me anywhere good, and I had a feeling that wasn't about to change. 'Yes,' I answered truthfully.

Bess' eyes slipped close as she let out a long breath. 'Great,' she murmured, rubbing her temples. 'That's great.'

'It doesn't mean anything's going to happen.'

'I know, I know, it just makes me feel like shit,' she said, letting her hands drop, folding them again. The sun was sinking further down, and it shone through part of her hair now. One of her eyes was brighter blue in the light. 'I don't know if I can be comfortable with you being friends.'

I pulled a face. 'You're kidding, right?'

'Not really,' she said. 'I mean, you can be friends, but if you're hanging out all the time, just the two of you, I don't know how I'll feel.'

I stared and Bess and she stared at me. 'Fine,' I said eventually. Bess gave me a quick smile, and then glanced down at her watch. 

'Good. I'm glad that's sorted. Now, I've got to head off. I'm meeting Louise at 3 to film.' 

Sorted. Like this was some kind of business agreement. I tried for a tight smile anyway. I kept on reminding myself that it was me who was sucking out the poison - no point dishing some more out. 

I stood up with her, and we hugged before she hurried out the door to hail down a cab. I paid for her coffee and then walked out into the London afternoon, where the clouds bore down like a thick and impenetrable curtain. People hurried past bundled under thick coats and scarves, faces down as the rain started to come - only slowly at first, colouring the pavement darker grey, until I was in the full of it, my hands reaching for my coat hood.