Twitter ∞ Dan Howell

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I locked my phone, dropping it on my bedside table. Phil wasn't home yet. I wasn't entirely sure where he'd gone - maybe grocery shopping, although we usually did that together.

I stood, feeling restless, walking back into my bedroom. I stood in the door for a moment. I hadn't slept there in the past three days - I'd been at Bess'. God, I missed her now. I rested up against the door frame, letting air out through my mouth. I missed her now, because it had been so, so good for those past three days - long, languid mornings, lying in the sun, playing with her hair as one eye peered out blearily from behind her pillow. And I wanted to be back there, because I knew that it was going to go to shit at some stage. It always did.

Bess and I were like a rollercoaster. We went up, and then we went down. Those three days had been one massive, extended up, but I could feel it, the descent, looming ahead of us. And it would probably be tonight. It would definitely be tonight.

I heard the door open, so I pushed myself from my room, heading down into the kitchen to meet Phil. His keys jangled, followed by the the rustle of plastic bags. I opened the kitchen door and he was bent over, head in the fridge.

'Philip,' I said, and he glanced back at me, the light from inside the fridge glinting off his hair. 

'Oh, I didn't know you were going to be home,' he told me, standing, brushing his hands on his jeans. He moved back to the bags, taking out a few cans. 'Oi, help me, would you?'

'Sorry,' I said, and so I started to help him unpack. I cleared my throat. 'Anyway, I'm back because I had to get changed for the thing tonight.'

'Thing tonight?' Phil asked, and then he screwed his face up, slapping his knee. 'Oh, poopers. I totally forgot.'

I almost laughed. I smirked instead. 'Wow, "poopers". What an expressive curse word, Phil,' I said, and he gave me a look. I continued with the groceries. 'Are you coming?'

'Yeah, I'll come. Why not?' He screwed up his face again. 'Oh God, I'm going to have to third-wheel you and Bess,' he complained, letting out a moan. 'Dang nabbit. I hate third-wheeling. Especially when you two are in your lovey-dovey moods.'

'"dang nabbit"? You're getting creative,' I teased. 'But you don't have to third-wheel. Ask Meg.'

Phil looked more than hopeful. 'Do you think she'll be able to come? It's a little late notice.' 

'Yeah. I saw her a few days ago and I mentioned it, so she's at least got some kind of warning. I told her you'd probably forgotten, which is why she wasn't invited.'

'You know me too well,' Phil said, grinning. 'So you and her have patched things up?'

'Yeah,' I said, nodding. I rest back against the counter, my hands against the cold marble. 'I think so. It sort of feels like we're back where we started, you know? Which is nice. I've missed her more than I realised.'

'Don't tell Bess that,' Phil murmured, putting away the last of the groceries. I think he thought I hadn't heard him, but I had, and his words hung over me like a cloud so I turned and went back to my room to get changed. Later, I heard Phil on his phone outside in the hallway - mumbled pieces of conversation. I was sure it was Meg. And then I was thinking and Meg and Bess and it was all too, too much, so I pulled out my trusty laptop and opened a new tab to Tumblr.

'Do you think she got lost?' Phil asked, turning the cider in his hands anxiously. 'It is a little hard to find. Or maybe the doorman didn't let her in.' He clicked his fingers. 'That's probably it. Gosh, I'm a moron. I didn't give her enough notice.'

'Phil, stop worrying,' I laughed, and Phil glanced over his shoulders, as if Meg may perhaps appear behind him. 'Honestly. She'll give you a call if she can't get in.'

'Okay,' he sighed, taking a reluctant sip. Bess clung to my arm, hot against my side. It was surprisingly warm in here - they'd cranked up the heating due to a recent cold snap. She snuggled in a little further. 

'I've missed you,' she whispered as Phil looked around. I looked down at her. Big, blue eyes stared back, splattered with gold peeking out beneath her eyelashes. She smiled coyly at me. 'You're quite a nice pillow.'

I laughed, but quietly, the kind of laugh that doesn't really leave your chest. 'That's all I can aim for in life.' 

'Meg!' Phil squeaked, reaching a hand up and giving her a massive wave. I glanced over to where Phil was waving - Meg waddled through the crowds, tugging at her skirt, wide eyes peering at the back of people's heads in a slightly-terrified manner. She relaxed when she noticed Phil's waving (which was, mind you, quite hard to miss). She gave a tentative wave back and stepped through to meet us.

'Sweet jesus that was terrifying,' she breathed as she arrived, smoothing her hands out over her skirt. 'It was just, like, famous people everywhere. And then me in my shitty ten-pound skirt.' 

'Your skirt was ten pounds?' Bess exclaimed.

'Topshop clearance,' Meg grinned, and Bess gave her an almost-sympathetic smile. 

Meg didn't seem to notice. She rocked on her heels, and then pointed to Bess' dress, asking, 'where'd you get that one?'

'Dior,' she said, spreading her hands over the shimmery, shifting dress. She flashed Meg a smile. 'This season.' 

'Oh, wow,' Meg exclaimed, glancing down at her own skirt, before looking back at Bess'. She gave a nervous laugh. 'That certainly costs a lot more than ten pounds.'

'It certainly does,' Bess said, glancing up at me and holding out her cup as if to say, another drink? Instead I took her arm, directing her over to the bar with me.

'You don't have to be like that,' I said to her, lowering my voice as we nudged past a huddle of people. 

'Be like what?' She asked innocently. I gave her a 'look' and she rolled her eyes. 'Oh come on. Ten pounds? For a skirt you wear to a VIP event? That's just embarrassing.'

'It's not embarrassing, it's economical,' I countered. 'Not everyone can afford Dior, Bess.'

'I know, I know, that's not what I meant,' she said, frustrated. She brushed me off. 'I'm going to go talk to Niomi. I haven't seen her in ages.'

'What? And just ditch Phil, Meg and I?'

'Isn't some alone time with her what you want? Or have you already had enough of that lately?' She hissed. I stared blankly back at her and she jabbed a finger into my shoulder. 'I know how much you've been seeing her, and I want you to know that I'm not comfortable with it.'

'Well, great, I know that now. I also don't care,' I replied. 'I can be friends with who I want, Bess.'

She made a frustrated sound, her hands squeezing into fists by her side. 'For fuck's sake, Dan! I'm your girlfriend, not her! You should be on my side.'

'Not when you're being unreasonable.'

Bess looked like she wanted to smack me across the face and go for the balls at the same time. She bit down on her lips, eyes wide and angry. 'Well, have a great night with her and her ugly ten-pound skirt.'

And then she stormed off, splitting through the crowds, and I was, once again, alone at another Youtube event. 

poor danny boy

soz for the late-ish update!! hope it lives up to your expectations. thanks for all the support my lovelies! means the world xx

p.s. can we appreciate how adorable dan has looked in his past few insta posts like hELLO 

<3