Twitter ∞ Dan Howell

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Bess was long gone. I threaded back through the crowds, brushing past familiar faces and giving cordial smiles and not really wanting to talk to anyone. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to take off this stupid shirt and lie in bed and just sleep, or watch a shitty anime. Literally anything but pretend I was having fun at a party surrounded by other people pretending to have fun. 

Phil and Meg were deeply entrenched in conversation by the time I got back. Meg glanced up as I arrived, giving me a small smile. Her eyes flicked over my face and her smile faded.

'Are you okay?' She asked, and I nodded, scratching the back of my neck. Meg frowned. 'You're not okay. What happened?' She looked behind me. 'Where's Bess?'

'Long story,' I breathed out,  running a hand through my hair. Meg was still watching me, almost cautiously, like she wasn't sure what to do. She pursed her lips. 

'Let's get a drink, then,' she said, taking my arm, and then Phil's. 'A margarita or two will wash the pain away.'

'What a great attitude towards alcohol,' I chuckled as Meg dragged us over to the bar. She glanced at me over her shoulder, grinning. 

'I'm really just joking,' she explained as we arrived. 'I'm simply exploiting your miserableness for my own benefit. I want a drink. And I don't get them for free unless I'm with you lot.'

So we ordered a margarita jug and then went over and sat by one of the massive floor-to-ceiling windows which gave us a beautiful view of the city. Lights splattered out across the horizon like hundreds of thousands of bright, beautiful fireflies, or almost like the world had turned on its head and we were sitting on top of the sky. I could feel Meg watching me as Phil poured the drinks, so I turned to her. It was dark here, but I could still make out the worry in her face. 

'Are you sure you're okay?' She asked me. 

I nodded, stretching out a small smile. 'I think so.'

She stared at me a moment longer, not convinced. Her expression loosened, and she let herself fall into a tiny, slightly-sad smile. 'Okay,' was all she said. 

Phil started talking about dogs (bless), so Meg and I nudged ourselves into the conversation. I'm not going to lie, I was only half there. All I could think about was Bess. I ran her face over and over in my mind, the familiarity of her cheeks, jaw, nose, lips - and the eyes. The way that she had looked at me just then. Like she was burning from the inside, this sick, poisonous hatred frothing up inside her. And it was towards me. Me. She's not supposed to hate me. That's the fundamental aspect of every relationship ever.

'Dan?' Someone asked. I blinked, looking up, and both Meg and Phil were staring at me. I shook my head, rubbing my eyes. 

'Sorry, I'm just a bit tired,' I lied. 'What did I miss?'

'Phil was telling us about his future dogs and their respective names,' Meg said, and Phil grinned, nodding. 'But I think maybe we should go.'

'What? Why?'

Meg gave me a dry look. 'Oh, wow, I have no idea. Maybe the fact you're obviously not okay and you should either go home or talk to bess.'

'I'm not talking to Bess,' I said wearily, rubbing my temples. 'Not now.'

'Great, so then that only leaves the first option.' She stood, taking my arm with her hand, and dragging me with her. Phil stood hesitantly. 

'Do you need me to come?' Phil asked, wiping his hands on his pants. 'It's just - well, there's a few people I promised I'd catch up with that I haven't yet. And I had to discuss a video idea with Tom, and -'