The Perfect Man | J Cole

21

Gianni

"Did you try the bakery shop?" Jermaine suggested as he played around with a stress ball.

"Bakery shop? Shit. There's a bakery shop in this town?" I took off my glasses and looked at Jermaine, who stared at me as if I was the dumbest he's ever seen.

"Baby, you for real? Damn. Have you even been outside? It's right around the corner." Jermaine laughed at me and I rolled my eyes.

I was searching for a job, after Jermaine insisted for a straight hour, on how I shouldn't be working as a mother, he finally agreed. If Jermaine and I work out (somehow), I don't want him to be the only one to provide bread on the table and a roof. I want to help. We in this together and a woman is not supposed to be sitting around the house. A woman has rights to work. Just as she wants. That's what my mom taught me. Never wait for someone to do something for you, you do it yourself.

It feels great. I worked before. At a supermarket, I was pregnant at that time and as soon as my boss noticed, he fired me. He didn't want young pregnant teenage girls working at his 'place' as he said. It was shit anyways. I did manage to save some money.

When Lorenzo was first born, I wanted to buy all of his first things with my money. Not my dad's, not Jilenna's, just mine. It felt surreal to see my son wearing something I worked for. I love it when my dad spoils Lorenzo, but I'd rather see myself do so.

I yawned and put away my laptop and layed back on the couch. "Enough looking for today. I'll stop by the bakery shop tomorrow." Jermaine nodded and layed back next to me, hugging me.

"You know I love you, right?" Jermaine mumbled as he layed in between my legs with his head on my chest. His voice was muffled since he was basically pressing his entire body and face against me. "I love you." Jermaine repeated and he immediately smiled after, looking up at me. "You know?"

I stared into his eyes, feeling some tingly feeling in my stomach. "What do I know?" I played with his nappy hair.

"That your heart beats quicker whenever I say I love you." I stopped playing with his hair and a smile crept onto my face as I felt my cheeks become hot. Jermaine put his hands near my heart and came closer to my face. "Your heart also beats quicker whenever I come closer."

Ugh. Can my man get any better? I don't want this to end. I don't want to break the confidence and trust we build again for the second time. I don't want to hurt him.

It's unexplainable when I look into his eyes. Or when I touch his skin. Or when he simply looks at me. I sometimes even feel the need to look pretty just so he can stare a little longer. But he never made me feel any less. He always made me feel like I am really the only girl in the world. Just like Rihanna sings in her song, that's the exact way Jermaine got me feeling.

A simple touch can send me in overdrive. Looking at him. How can I explain this? It's love. It's unexplainable. Lord. I pray for him to stay save. I pray for him to be kept away from the bad. All I want is to see him be him. Be happy and confident.

I want more for Jermaine than he wants for himself. I want him happy. I want him to look at all he's done to me. Made me feel confident, brought me up when I was down. Made me feel like a true princess.

My thoughts were interrupted by Jermaine's lips getting parted from mine. All this time we've been kissing. And all those thoughts ran through my mind as we connected.

He was about to say something when I stopped him and pressed his lips back against mine, sliding my tongue in his mouth. "Mm." Jermaine mumbled, indicating that he wanted to say something. I pulled back after giving him  a quick peck. "Yes?"

He sat straight and wiped his eyes before speaking. "Why did I find pregnancy tests in your bedroom? I forgot to ask you." I frowned and chuckled.

"Did you seriously check out my entire room? I thought I hid them just fine." Jermaine shook his head and waited for me to answer him. "It's just in case. You know. Something might happen." I reassured him and he nodded.

"You want one?" He suddenly asked. I squinted my eyes at him and sat up, rubbing my knees as I asked him, "What do you mean?"

"You want a baby?" I shook my head. "Don't you think we would be moving too fast?" I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn't want to talk about this. Am I even sure we can be together?

I heard Jermaine scoff and he licked his lips. "You weren't thinking that when you made Lorenzo. So why would you think about it now." What did he mean? Does he want a baby? I didn't get his point but I did get annoyed. He kept going back to Lorenzo and it was annoying me cause I wanted to yell out the truth so bad.

"Jermaine, what do you want me to say?" I tried to move closer to him but he backed away.

Ouch.

"I'm going home."