The Perfect Man | J Cole

22

Gianni

My eyes were itching like crazy as I sat down on the couch, watching another sad movie.

It had been 4 hours since Jermaine left and I can't even sleep. I tried to text him but he isn't answering, making me worried. Why did he go away like that? On the other hand, I was confused even more now.

What happened? Did he really get upset, cause I told him we would be moving too fast for a baby? We just got 'back' together. How does he want me to be carrying a baby right away?

After me overthinking too much, I decided to grab my phone and call Jilenna. I eventually have to talk to someone. I would have loved to call Raina, but I can't. God. I keep forgetting I have to solve the Raina issue too.

"Hello?" I heard Jilenna's voice through my phone speakers and I quickly sat straight. "Hey Jilenna. It's me, Gi." "Ah! Hi Gianni! How are you doing sweetie?" I smiled at her reaction. "I'm doing just fine. I was wondering if you could stop by, if that's okay? I really need someone to talk to." I heard Jilenna already grab her car keys and shake them around for me to hear. I laughed at her excitement.

I keep forgetting I have people like Jilenna. Willing to keep up with my emotional ass. "I'm coming right away, amor."

In a short 15 minutes, Jilenna showed up at my door. I welcomed her in and we sat down on the couch. For some reason, my heart was about to beat out of my damn chest, simply cause I barely have had any conversations like this with anyone. After I lost my mama, I never talked to someone about something so deep. About my insecurities and all.

"Pour it. Tell me everything." Jilenna made herself comfortable on my couch and I sat straight before taking a deep breath.

Now's the time. You're doing the right thing.

"It's Jermaine." I already was on the verge of crying when I just thought about my life situations. "I don't know what to do, Jilenna. I keep telling myself I'm gonna tell him the truth and when I find the room to do so, I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing." I could barely stop talking as soon as I opened my mouth. I needed to let out everything so bad. "I feel like I'm going to lose him, and I am actually slowly losing him. I was so close to getting him back but I can't do this." Tears rolled down my cheeks. "I want him to know that I have carried his child and that I kept it away from him, but I'm going to lose him. I'm not ready to be without him once again. These two years made me realise what Jermaine actually meant to me. He has been nothing but the best to me and I'm taking everything for granted and I-"

Before I could finish myself, Jilenna stopped me as she noticed I could barely go on anymore. "Stop, Gianni. Honey, you're doing the most." She scooted closer to me and ran her hand on my back, soothing me. "I know it's hard. But see the situation you're in right now? You're only making it worse by keeping this secret longer. The best thing you can do is tell him, sweetheart. Now I know Jermaine is not going to leave you. You know why? Cause it's your Jermaine. The one you claim is the best. Tell him, doll. I know it's definitely not an easy thing to do but you're slowly being eaten alive by your own thoughts. Don't just think about yourself, think about baby Lorenzo too. Wouldn't you love to see him build a relationship with his daddy? I know Jermaine and Lorenzo both would enjoy each other's company. But please, tell him the truth. Overall, he deserves to know he has a child. Put yourself in Jermaine's shoes and decide."