Can we try again?

Five.

I glanced at the building in front of us. It was very old, and almost in the middle of nowhere, I noticed. For a place meant to carry out surgical procedures, it didn't look very . . . hygienic. Chalky paint fell in fragments from the wall and if the grass could grow any further it would become a forest. I wondered if it was kept like this just to make it less conspicuous to people, about what was really going on in there. I hoped to God, it was more appealing inside.

I came out of the car and shut the door. All of a sudden, my breathing became rapid and shallow. I could feel my pulse pounding in my temples and I felt like I was going to throw up. Get yourself together Mira, I told myself.

"Right, let's go inside. I've already told the boys you'll be coming, so they're expecting you." Buchi said, as he walked towards the entrance. I followed him.

As we entered inside, the odour of bleach hit me, so strong that it made my eyes water. The whole place smelled like it'd been completely smeared over with bleach. And that was only the reception area. I wondered what it would smell like in the surgery room. I looked around; it wasn't as bad as the exterior, at least the paint wasn't falling off the wall. It looked fairly sanitary to me.

There were about 20 girls In the hall, all seated on the rusty chairs, waiting. The look on all their faces, were exactly the way I felt. Anxious. Nervous. Terrified. I could tell they were all in the same condition as I was in, and for a split second, my anxiety was gone and I felt not so alone. i sort of felt a connection with them. At least they're other people who know what I'm going through. Amongst the girls, there were only 3 guys. They sat next to who I concluded was probably their girlfriend. What good men, found myself thinking idly. I wondered if some of the girls, were the same as me, clueless as to whom the father of their baby was.

"Wait here," Buchi said and walked straight to the lady at the welcome desk.

I stood against the wall, holding my bag to my stomach. Some of the girls looked at me, giving me a slight smile, and others with blank expressions on their faces.

As Buchi spoke to the lady, she would nod, cast a glance at me, and smile. I only managed a weak smile in return.  My stomach churned, but not in hunger. It seemed like my stomach was going to empty itself of its contents. There was only one person I needed by my side. All I craved for was Oma's hand holding me, telling me it would be fine.

"Are you ready?" Buchi said as he walked up to me.

No, I'm not. I'm not ready, I thought to myself, but I nodded to him anyway.

"Come one then," he said. I could feel the stares of the other girls on me, as I walked. They probably were wondering why I wasn't waiting like the rest of them. Why was I given a special treatment? They could think whatever they wanted to. It was the very least of my worries.  

I was so nervous that my hands were shaking violently and I tried but failed to keep them steady. We walked along a dimly lit corridor, Buchi in front of me, leading the way. At the end of the corridor was a door to the right, he opened it and entered and I followed him.

The room was cooler than where we'd just come in from. I could hear the gentle hum of the air-conditioning system. It smelt of bleach as well, but only mildly. There were three people in the room, who for some reason didn't seem to notice our arrival. Two of them were men, or should I say boys. They had a white lab coat on them.

When Buchi had mentioned something about his boys being ready for me, I didn't think he actually meant 'boys'. From my discretion, I could tell that they both looked no more than 22. Did they have the medical expertise to make an incision on me? This wasn't helping my anxiety at all.