Can we try again?

Eighty-six

Samira

When he said the words, "I'm engaged" to me, my heart sank into my chest.

"Oh congratulations," was my response. "Good for you." I'd tried to hide the disappointment, but I don't think I did a very good job on that.

I honestly don't know what I was expecting to happen between Daniel and I. Of course, I knew that after all this time he wouldn't be single and waiting for me - the girl he impregnated years ago. People move on and fair enough, and he didn't even know about me. But the truth was, I was pissed off. It just wasn't fair. Why did he get to move on and I was here on my own, with no one to call my own?

He tried to call me severally that evening, but I ignored his call. I had to. I needed space to process the news. I didn't want to speak to him. What would I have said to him anyway?

Sorry I acted that way and left. I wasn't expecting you to say you're getting married soon. I was disappointed to hear that and I still am."

After three calls with no response from me, he then resorted back to texts, asking if I was okay and if I'd gotten home okay.
My response to him was very brief and curt. I wasn't in the mood for chit-chatting.
And I think he got the message.

Honestly, I was devastated to hear the news of him being engaged. He was soon to be married. Jameel was going to have a step-mother. That means I might have to share Jameel with another woman, whom he might possibly call 'mummy' one day.

The thought of that made me feel sick.

"Sami, what are you more worried about?" Bernie asked me as we stood in the playground waiting to pick the kids up from school. I wrapped my hands around my body as a strong gust of wind hit me. My eyes watered a little bit.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Are you worried about Jameel, or are you worried about you," She held my gaze.

"I don't. . .I'm not sure what you mean." I said, breaking the eye contact.

She said nothing but gave me a look. I gave an exasperated sigh. "I just didn't expect him to be engaged," I confessed to Bernie. "Have a girlfriend, yeah, maybe. But soon to be married?" I shook my head, "I wasn't expecting it at all."

Her voice was soft when she spoke. "Why is that?"

"I know I said I wasn't expecting anything to happen between us. Sure he's my son's father and all that. . .but. . ." My voice trailed away. Bernie waited for me to continue. "But seeing him, I could. . .I just . . .I imagined something between us, you know. . . He was very nice and I thought he was even flirting a bit with me. Maybe it was just my imagination running wild. So I was just very disappointed when he said he had a girlfriend and then he went on to say he was engaged."

"So, would you have rather he not say anything or tell you the truth?" Bernie asked.

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not saying that. It's just. . . I dunno. . .  seeing him that day, I wondered what it would be like, the two of us and Jameel, as a family, you know?"

"I get it. It's almost like fate has brought you two together and you feel like you don't even stand a chance with him."

"Exactly! That's my point."

Bernie put a hand on my shoulder. "But you can't become bitter about it forever. Sure he's getting married, so what? If he's not meant for you, then," she shrugged her shoulders, "you just have to deal with it. Just because he's Jameel's dad doesn't mean he's the right person for you."

She was right. Bernie was right. As always. Although, the disappointment was still there and she saw it on my face.

"But then if he's the one for you, trust me, things would work out and you'll eventually end up together. I personally don't think it was just a mere mistake that you've met each other again after all these while. What's meant to be will be." She shot me a smile, and I smiled back.