Can we try again?

Eighty-eight

Samira

I was surprised to hear from Daniel and was even more surprised at myself for agreeing to meet with him, this time with Jameel. Even though I had second thoughts about it, it felt like the right thing to do. Maybe not for me, but certainly for my son. It would be cruel of me to deprive him of having a relationship with his father when I knew full well that he's alive and well within my reach.

So, I agreed to Daniel's proposal. I was going to let him meet Jameel. Saturday was going to be the best time for this meeting. I explained to Daniel that Jameel has a birthday party in the afternoon, so we'll both meet him after the party. But he insisted that we meet before, have some time to chat alone, and afterwards, we'll head to pick Jameel together.

"Together?" I'd said out loud to myself when I read the text.

I was reluctant at first. It sounded too intimate, the pair of us going to pick Jameel up. Together. It sounded like what couples would do.
But then I thought; why not? There was no reason why we both couldn't go to pick Jameel up together. We're his parents after all.

So once again, I agreed.

All through the week, I kept on thinking about it and the fact that I might have made a mistake agreeing to this plan. Maybe it was too early for both of them to be meeting each other. As selfish as it sounded, I cared more about my son. I just didn't want to set my Jameel up for disappointment. Hence, these thoughts crossed my mind: Does Daniel even have plans to actually remain in Jameel's life? Was he ready to take on this role of being a father? 

I understand that this whole situation might have come as a shock to him, and it was totally natural if he wanted to back down and not want to be part of our lives. It could be too much for him, especially since he was already starting a new family. I didn't want him to feel like he's under pressure to perform and be a father to Jameel. He didn't have to.

It was something I would have to discuss with him.

The week sped by really quickly. Work was work, along with the busyness of it. All the while, I thought about preparing Jameel for the upcoming meeting with his dad. I contemplated how I was going to broach the subject with him. How would he feel about it? What would he think about it? The topic of 'dad' has not been mentioned since the last time he brought it up years ago. We'd never really spoken about it, so I didn't know what his reaction would be? Would he be happy to finally meet his dad? 

To my surprise, he didn't ask as many questions as I thought he would when I spoke to him. But my heart melted when I saw his eyes lit up in excitement, and a smile formed on his lips. That was surely a good sign.

***

Saturday arrived, bringing with it the sun and clear skies. It had been a week full of cloudy skies and rain, with the sun absent all through. So, it was quite nice that the sun had decided to show its face. I peered through the window, admiring the blue sky, but knowing fully well how deceiving it all looked. I knew it was still going to be cold outside, so we'd have to dress appropriately for the weather.

I got Jameel ready in no time, dressing him in a smart outfit that he chose for himself - the boy had quite a good fashion sense. I got ready myself, with a last-minute decision of putting on some makeup - simple and nothing fancy. After all, I wasn't going on a date or dressing to impress anyone.

Jameel and I walked Jameel to Bernie's, Jameel holding the wrapped gift and card in one hand whilst I held his other hand.

"Are you excited?" I asked him.

"Yes. Jack said there's gonna be a very big slide there and a bouncing castle at the party. And we can play football inside too "

"Oh wow! That's great! You're gonna have lots of fun then."

"Yes," he smiled, revealing the gap where his bottom incisor should have been. "I can't wait to get there."

And after a while, he asked me. "Mummy, am I still going to see daddy today?"

I was surprised. Not just because he asked me, but that he even remembered. Despite the fact that he had this fun party to attend - which is all that he could have been thinking of - he still remembered that he was going to meet his dad. It showed me that he was really looking forward to meeting him.

Daniel better not mess this up for my little boy, or else I'm gonna kill him, I thought to myself.

"Yes, you are darling," I said to him. "After your party, your daddy and I will come and pick you up and we can go to a restaurant to have some dinner."

Your daddy and I. . . The words sounded so odd coming out of my mouth, I had to admit.

"Yes!" He grinned again. "I'm going to tell Gaby and all my friends at the party that my daddy is coming to pick me up."

Oh, Daniel better not mess this up!

I left Jameel at Bernie's, explaining briefly to Bernie that I was going to see Daniel and that I would give her the full gist later. I kissed Jameel on the cheek and waved him goodbye, promising to see him later.

I was nervous about meeting Daniel again. I know we'd potentially broken the barrier of awkwardness the first time we met, so I shouldn't be feeling that way, but I couldn't help it. Maybe it's because of how we left each other the last time, and because we hadn't kept in touch since then.

We decided to meet at the same place we first met. I got there before him. I sat down and waited.