Au Pair ✔

capítulo número diecisiete; el pendejo

Au Pair

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© 2017 Luna Black

~*~

Ever since I was a little girl I was taught that crying was a sign of weakness. For every sob that escaped my mouth, my mom would swat me with her leather belt. It would result in lots of crying and red marks left behind, but as I grew older, I learned to play the game.

I learned that showing your true emotions wasn't safe and in this world, I had to thread about safely, carefully. I had gotten so good at playing the game that I became a walking mannequin; I simply smiled because that was a good emotion.

I had to be "grateful for all I had, so it was only logical to smile."

And now that I couldn't stop the sobs erupting through my body, I felt helpless. I tried to keep the tears and emotions at bay, but the fear overcame any restrictions I had.

Mrs. Maggie was the only person in this world that I genuinely cared for. She was the one that held me when I had cramps and comforted me. She was the only one that listened to anything that I had to say and sincerely cared for all my babbling.

In my eyes, she was the only maternal figure I ever had. In just a short year, she had managed to wedge herself into my heart and give me a bit of hope for the fücked up life I had.

And then this happened and I realised that my life would never fix itself.

I had lost a shïtty fiancé. I had lost a family that I never had and now I was about to lose the only person I cared for.

So, no matter how much I hated that Luca was seeing me fall apart, there was nothing I could do. I couldn't stop the tears or the trembling of my hands. I was terrified.

Through the drive to the hospital he was a total gentleman. He held my hand and tried to comfort me, but until I knew that everything was okay with Mrs. Maggie, I wouldn't be able to rest or calm down.

In the hospital waiting room, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. He sat me on his lap and cuddled my cheek to his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair and whispered soothing words near my ear.

It felt strange having comfort like this. My mother never gave it to me. I barely remember what my real father was like and I never was this close or intimate with Marcos, whom was my fiancé.

Luca was my boss and had been in my pants once. But here I was, holding on to him like my life depended on it because he was the only person willing to give me comfort. The only person that was there and I would worry another day on whether I should be terrified that I had opened up so emotionally or just go with the flow of life.

I sounded like a hippie, but it was the only thing keeping me sane.

He was the only thing keeping me sane.

I didn't deal with situations like these very rationally or sanely. Not right now, not when I had so very little, but extremely valuable to lose.

"Hermosa," Luca caressed my hand gently, "you need food in your stomach."

I shook my head. "Not hungry," I muttered, my voice muffled by my mouth pressed against his neck.

He sighed, shifting in the seat and held me closely. "You need to eat, Daniela. It's been three hours since she was brought in and they haven't given you any news. You can't keep starving yourself."

"Not hungry," I repeated, this time clearer because I moved my mouth away from him.

He didn't say anything else, just resumed our quiet position. I must've looked like a child, but at that moment I didn't feel myself. I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know what was safe and what wasn't.