Nothing like us [Lauren/You]

Chapter 30

In my eyes you were always the most beautiful piece of art I got to touch, since the first day I laid my eyes on you on that art show I knew that this masterpiece was going to ruin my life, but not in a bad way, far from that baby. Some people wander around the planet till their last breath, searching for something that would awaken their soul, pumped their heart, make them feel alive for the very first time and to be able to say that I had that warms every corner of my heart.

Sometimes, on the bad days that we both hate so desperately when I forget how your lips taste or how good it feels when you giggle between kisses, sometimes it still hurts me to know that you have to wake up on those bad days and carry on with your day like nothing happened, while I am being distant.

I can still remember it as it was yesterday when you were having the worst day ever and on top of it I couldn't remember us, you told me that it was alright, you were acting strong but late at night when I woke up from my dreams I have seen it all, I have seen you cry beneath the hot water in our shower, I hid behind the wall, I saw you how you took a step into our wardrobe in the wall, you couldn't reach my sleeping t-shirt that you needed to hold, it fell down on you along with some other stuff we kept at the highest shelf and you fell with it, your back hit the wall behind you and you slid down to cry yourself to sleep on the floor. I should have walked inside that night and told you to stop your crying because I was there, but as I came to my senses that sounded like the biggest lie I could ever tell. I wasn't there when you needed me that day and I knew there would be days when I wouldn't be, so I stood there frozen waiting for you to fall asleep.

Once you did, I picked you up bridal style and carried you to our bed, I cried all night for not being what you wanted me to be, for not feeling good enough even though you told me otherwise every single day. The days went by, weeks, months and now it's been over four years, we were still together strong but not prepared for what was coming our way.

It was a dark monday morning when we got the news, your mom had an accident and she was slowly slipping away. You stayed by her side every night for over a month, hoping that something would bring her back to life. The house was empty without your laughter in the morning, the sun was always blinded by the clouds, even Noah was feeling homesick in our own home it was time to fix it.

We brought Ollie and Noah adored him, playing with that dog was always fun, but he was different from the others and we knew the happiness wouldn't last long. I remember you that morning, you finally came back from that place, you looked like an angel with broken wings and I just wanted you to stay. So you did. But not with us, you started working extra hours, you were coming home every other day, sometimes you smelled like alcohol and regrets, but I didn't had the heart to step ahead and ask.

I bought piano to play it to our kid, when your desperate screams in the morning wouldn't let him sleep. I knew you were lost, I was trying to find you, but you just wouldn't budge so one day I went to see your mother to check if everything was still "okay" as you used to say. They told me that your mother was healthier than ever, they sent her home a few weeks ago, yet you were still coming home early in the mornings telling me that you were there.

I waited patiently that night, you came back wasted and I knew that what was coming was a hurricane, but I needed you to feel something, I needed you to talk, so when our eyes met and I saw the guilt inside those brown eyes that used to bring me comfort I knew I couldn't stay.

Y/n wipes her tears away slowly, turning a page mumbling, "I am so sorry baby."

You have a year, doctor said to me on my last visit, I have a year I sobbed out quietly, I wanted you there to give me some sort of comfort; but you were stuck only god knows where. I have decided that I needed a change, you were the one pulling me down so I started drowning and that had to change. I took our son and it still breaks me, how you didn't even call to ask how he has been, I don't care about me, but him, you should have asked about him babe.