Mech X4 : Whump Within Oneshots {Discontinued}

Attack (DARC)

MASSIVE trigger warning : Mentions of mental disorders, moment of self-injury, and an attack of some form.

Do you ever have days where you just have to remind yourself to breathe?

Because that's what Ryan was having now.

He'd been home from the hospital for a week now, and things had gone downhill even more so than before.

He didn't think that was possible.

It's like he reached the bottom of a pit and decided to dig deeper.

But none of that mattered right now because he couldn't breathe why can't he breath of gosh what happening someone-

"You okay, Ryan?" Mark asked, looking at his brother with concern, a look Ryan associated him with nowadays.

Ryan took a moment to let the question sink through his panic before he stood.

His breathing picked up to the point he was hyperventilating and still he couldn't get a breath why can't I get a breathwhat'shappeningwhat's-

He felt a hand grab his shoulder as his brother spun him around and looked at him, really looked at him.

He placed a cool hand against Ryan's pale face only to feel burning skin in its wake.

Ryan leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and letting himself do what he wanted for a change.

And what he wanted was to stop fighting his knees and their urge to buckle.

Ryan fell into Mark, still conscious but confused by the sudden change in altitude.

Mark held the trembling form of his brother up as he slung an arm over his shoulder and helped Ryan to the couch.

The second Ryan plopped down, he curled his legs up to his chest and hid his head, his heart's palpitations and the tightness of his chest making him want to claw himself open.

He needs out, he needs out he needs out he needsout heneedsoutheneedsoutheneedsoutheneedsouyhe-

It was then that he recognized his brother calling his name through the fog.

It took him a moment to look up, but when he did, Mark had already changed positions and was now pacing back and forth with a phone to his ear. Words leaving his lips as Ryan's blurred vision worked to decider what he was saying. Ryan lifted a hand to his head, the other staying on the couch in an attempt to ground himself as the world pulsed around him. He didn't feel the sweat of his head touching his hands that were all but numb as he realized I'm not breathing, why aren't I breathing, am I breathing, how do I breathe, why can't I breathe?

He shot up from the couch.

Air. He needed air.

He pushed past Mark and yanked open the door, heading drunkenly down the stairs of the porch as he tripped and fell into the grass, scrapping his knee on the way.

In that moment, the pain cleared his head enough for him to realize something is after me I need to run, I need to go now-

He stumbled to his feet as Mark ran out of the house after him and he turned and he sprinted down the sidewalk, racing across the street only to almost be hit by a car still he ran and ran and ran and ran and-

He's after me, oh gosh why is he after me?

"Ryan!" Mark yelped, almost getting hit by a car himself as he chased down his brother.

This was it, he was going to die. He-

And that's when he realized he was in the middle of the road again with a car barreling down towards him.

Looking back on it, he didn't know what primal instinct made him move, but some part of his body decided that nope, I am not dying today.

So he took off running again, making it to the skatepark and running to his spot where he always kept a spare board and some... tools.

He grabbed the bag with his tools and continued running, searching for something - anything - to make this go away. To be an outlet. A release.

That's what he needs.

A release.

He could- no. He can't hurt anyone else. Not again. Never again.

But... If he took it out on himself, they wouldn't get hurt!

The pain - that pain, it helped. It made the bad things go away. It made it so they wouldn't hurt him. It made them leave him alone. It kept him from going crazy. He needs it.

And he would get it. One way or another.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So on that foreboding note, here's an update. Hopefully I portarayed it correctly (seeing as I've experienced both anxiety and panic attacks) but what I was trying to do was show an anxiety attack that turned into a panic attack. I think I failed. Oh well. I did my best. So here you go!

And now that that part is over with, I would like to ask a question. What is depression and what does it mean to you? Please answer honestly, I want all the perspectives I can get. So thanks in advance!

Well, that's all for now. So don't forget to live life and love PINEAPPLES!!!