Everything Changed Me (14)

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(Saturday 11th May - Debate Union Launch Party)

Adele's POV

So whilst Jess was planning the launch party for the Debate Union my management was approached by the BBC offering to hold a Debate Union Convention Annually on the Launch date of the Debate Union. So today this convention thing is running from 1pm until 6pm, the actual "Party" part of the day starts at 7:30pm. The convention lasts a fair amount of time is because there is like loads of different people talking and performing it's being held at the Wembley Stadium in London and it sold out almost instantly. AND BEYONCÉ PERFORMING IS TOO!!!

The official running order goes:

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•1pm - 1:10pm | Opening speech - Simon
•1:10pm - 2:10pm | Beyoncé Set
•2:10pm - 2:20pm | Beyoncé Speech
•2:20pm - 2:30pm | Michelle Obama Speech
•2:30pm - 2:45pm | Simon Speech
•2:45pm - 3:00pm | Interval
•3:00pm - 4:00pm | Adele Set
•4:00pm - 4:30pm | BBC Radio 1 Sing Along
•4:30pm - 4:40pm | Debate Union Operations Director Speech (Ashlyn)
•4:40pm - 4:50pm | Debate Union Marketing Director Speech (Katie)
•4:50pm - 5:00pm | Interval
•5:00pm - 5:25pm | Adele Speech
•5:25pm - 5:50pm | Debate Union C.E.O. Speech (Jess)
5:50pm - 6:00pm | Goodbye Speech (Debate Union)
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Honestly, I'm so proud of Jess for getting this all organized. Even though she did it with her team it's some achievement, if I do say so. She actually went this morning to find out the gender of her baby with Ashlyn, although she hasn't told me yet. Also, this morning just before we left she had a letter from Chris with no return address on, explaining what is going on, why she hasn't heard from him and why she won't hear from him for a while., I mean like I get why he had to go, it's understandable.  Saying that he had no other choice. I just hope that for Jess's sake and also the babies sake he can come back and be in contact with Jess again.

I ditched the album I wrote about Simon and I's breakup, for now anyway, I'm still going to release it but when I feel comfortable doing so. I'm so incredibly nervous for my set later on, yet I'm excited I haven't performed for a couple of years now. I'm performing a new song that I wasn't sure if I wanted to release because it's so personal, but it's about finding that final part of yourself after so long of thinking you've found all of yourself. If that makes any sense? I'm debuting it as a stand alone single today and the people watching don't know yet. Any money I do make off of this is being donated to the Debate Union.

...

Running of off the stage I feel very high on adrenaline after my hour set a little while ago and 25-minute speech I had just finished, it was an outer body experience. The new song just got released publicly just after my set which is slightly nerve racking, but it seemed to go down well out there. The speech was made up of 15 minutes of banter and jokes, the other 10 got real. I talked about how it really is experiencing your child suffering mentally. Jess has just walked on stage, I couldn't be prouder.

"Thank you all so, so much for spending your time and money to be here today, also those watching at home, it really means everything to me, the rest of the team and everyone involved in today." She started, the crowd were cheering soooo much. This is my daughter I'm really very proud. "The team who have have talked her before myself have explained what as an organisation we want to do and stuff soo I'd rather not go on about that for the next 25 minutes and bore you all. I'm sure I'll just end up doing that anyway, so I'll just say sorry in advance. I want to just really talk about what motivated me to actually go ahead with all of this, and what made me really want to do this. At some point we all experience some really tough times that we'd rather not be going through. And I think it's safe to say that when you find that one artist at any point along that tough time, even before, who really moves your soul, that part of you never really leaves you no matter how lost you get and your love for their music never actually stops. I'm not sure how many of you know this, or how many doesn't know this. I'm sure some of the hardcore Adele fans do, but before I was welcomed by my Mum into her family and loving home,I was a really big fan of hers. I say 'fan' very lightly here, I was like 100% dedicated to being part of the Daydreamer fandom and showing my upmost respect for someone who quite frankly at the time didn't know they had changed my life. First listening to her back in January of 2008 on the radio, 'Hometown Glory' I was 5. And as a 5-year old I was moved beyond words. There is very few things that can move a 5 year old as much as I was on that day, and I was honestly hooked, I'm not going to lie. That was before the gentle nudges of life, that was once all you knew, turned into really hard hits, hits that leave scars and open wounds. I just really felt like I was drowning, yet no body seamed to notice. Throughout everything, the voice of Adele was a reminder that once I was okay. Once I didn't: want to lie in bed all day, want to talk to anyone, think how much better off people would be without me. This absolutely destroys who you once were, who you are, your dreams and hopes on who you want to become, and it scares you, it really scares you so, so much and makes everything in your head so much worse. Yet this music: 19, 21 somehow managed to keep me going. That maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to say 'I'm okay' again and it not be a lie. Just before the announcement of Hello and 25, I was terrible, isolated and ready to leave life at the next possible opportunity. I just wanted to end it all, escape the hell that was my life. Pretending that you're okay, is mentally and physically draining. However, the night of the 'Hello' advert I was mear minutes from ending it all, all hope lost and destroyed by something I couldn't control, my own thoughts. Because ultimately they controlled me. They controlled me and my life. The TV downstairs was on really loud in the house, I could hear it all the way up in the bathroom. I was about to give up but, but, for some reason that wasn't my day to go. Those first few lines of 'Hello', I knew exactly who it was, believe me. The first word I knew who it was. Absolutely, shook I couldn't move off of that bathroom floor I physically couldn't move. So I just stayed there the rest of the night. You know what? Up until I the first day of school after that advert, nobody knew how much I actually liked Adele, I don't even think that anyone knew I even liked Adele. The day I went back to school after, if people didn't already know that Adele was back. They did now. Skip forward a difficult year and a half, was a day that myself and my history teacher Beth, could never forget. You tell my 13-year-old me, that I would meet Michael, Simon, Angelo and Adele all over the course of one day. I would have told you to shut up with your lies. Like who wouldn't. My life changed forever that day. I didn't know what to do. I really didn't know, 'cause I now had everything, but I was absolutely broken inside. And I kept it all together to where I didn't let the people around me down. But I kept it too much together where I let myself down. I pushed the most important people to me now, to the limit, they didn't really know me at the time. They could have just left me. They didn't have to care, I wouldn't have held it against them at all. But they didn't and I was baffled because I still don't know how I deserved to have people around me who were and are so damn loyal. If you're broken you don't have to stay broken. I was that daughter hiding depression from biological parents who didn't actually care. I was that student making good impressions. I was that friend supporting everyone else acting as if I was fine. I was that person who sat next to you in class on the brink of bursting out crying for no reason. I was your best friend hoping that you would care, hoping you would show you cared that I isolated myself, hoping you would show you cared that I was lonely, hoping you would show you cared that I was insecure, that I was hurt, that I was lost, that I was in pain, mentally ill, not believed, scared, out of control. But it felt like no one did care. Like no one did actually care I was depressed and suicidal. At school, they checked wists and not thighs. Society cared but it never ever cared enough. As pain became more and more unbearable, self-destruction became the answer. It really scares you what you could do to yourself. You feel as if you don't want to get better, you deserve to suffer and be in pain. You end up questioning you long you can last. People may say to you that you don't have a reason to feel the uway you do, they may tell you that nothing has triggered you to feel the way you do. But you don't need a reason, you don't need a specific trigger, how you feel is perfectly valid, I promise you. You are not being selfish. You are being human. So many feel and have felt this way, so if you think someone you know is going through this. Don't tell them that everything is going to be fine because that's the last thing they think of. Tell them you are there for them if they need to talk to someone. Remind them everyday that they mean the world to you, send them a message every morning and night checking in on them, show them you REALLY care. If they tell you how they feel, it has taken them so much courage to tell you that, please, please, please take it seriously, stay by their side, reach out at first anonymously see what you can do to help or them. Direct them gently toward help. They may not like you at first for it, but deep down they know you have their best interests at heart and as time goes on they'll really be thankful of what you did. So thank you, Ashlyn. Beth. Dad. Mum. It means so much honestly. Thank you. I got back the stars in my eyes, I see the inside of me that I can be strong and I'm now only ever getting stronger. Yeah, maybe my head's still a bit messed up, but I'm doing something I never imagined doing, falling right back in love with being alive, dreaming. And to me I just feel as this is all really a dream. I lost my mind but I'm constantly looking for signs that I'll be alright. Like trust me, I know, life is scary, I realized this life is short during my darkest times. Consumed with the wrong things in my head, I really forgot how to daydream. Stepping into the light and with doing that now, I realize that really, deep down I'm still a child, lost at such a young age. I know that I'm still messed up but I can't lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold. And so is yours. Because our scars make us who we are, so when you're at your lowest point and you think you can't go on, hold tight and if you can't do it for yourself do it for your best friend, dog, sister, brother, Mum, Dad, idol, Auntie, Uncle, Nannie, Grandad, your child, your neighbour, literally anyone. If there is literally no-one, hold on for me because I care. One day unexpectedly you'll find your rainbow, that changes your life, trust me when you do, put those colors on and wear it as a badge and don't let anyone take it away from you. You are special. Someone out there loves you even if you don't know who. You all know there is STILL an incredible stigma that goes along with mental illness. We can do better. Everyone of us can make a difference by getting educated on it and its frightening statistics and by breaking the stigma. I stand here today as proof that you can live a normal and empowered life with mental illness. I can't tell you how over whelming it is to be standing on a stage in WEMBLEY Stadium with like I don't even know how many like 78,000 people? Here in the stadium and millions watching at home. I want to be very honest with the people that support the Debate Union. Mental illness is something that so many young people are dealing with. And so many people young and old just slip under the rug. This shouldn't just be a thing you slip under a rug. Any mental illness is very much real like any physical illness also is. You would never tell someone 'oh it's just cancer get over it'. I'm telling you now cancer isn't something you can just get over and the same goes for mental illness, whether that's: social anxiety, general anxiety, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder, postnatal depression, chronic depression, major depression, situational depression, bipolar disorder, just to name a few. They are ALL real mental conditions that can't just be swept under neath the carpet. If you have a friend and they're scaring you a little, just love them. Hug them and love them up and tell them you are here for them. And for anyone who is struggling with a mental illness and feels lonely, you are worth it, you are perfect, you need to be here every single day that you are meant to be here. In case you need to hear this today... don't give up, you got this. In case nobody has told you today you matter to me and I love you. Mental illness is a scary thing, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. We shouldn't just sugar coat it. It is not going to be an over night recovery. It's going to be hard but it pales in comparison with what you're dealing with now. I'm living proof that you can get through it. As an organization, we've made a conscious decision to have a group of trained mental health professionals as part of our team. Which immediately is a thing that doesn't make much sense for a Debating thing but, it's a very important thing for us that we have people who make sure our team is okay and that people, children, teens, adults we all look forward to working with are also okay. As I've said depression or any mental illness isn't something to take lightly. I've known many who lost their battle with depression and paid the ultimate price: their lives, through suicide. It breaks you to know you could have made a difference in their life and possibly have stopped it. And although it may not always lead to suicide, I can tell you from personal experience that depression and any mental illness really, is a debilitating illness that can negatively affect you mentally and physically. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and helplessness can make you feel like you shouldn't seek help because there is nothing that will help you. And this is why it's so important to reach out to a friend you're worried about because, they might never seek help. It also causes a loss of motivation to do daily tasks and a loss of pleasure or enjoyment in hobbies and activities you used to enjoy. It can also cause loss of concentration. Some people experience a decreased appetite, which can result in weight loss. This can create problems such as anorexia and vitamin deficiencies. On the other hand, other people will experience an increase in appetite, causing weight gain. The problem with this is obesity, which can cause joint pain and stress on the heart. It can also lead to diabetes and hypertension. Depression can also cause widespread pain throughout your body. Depression is not just sadness. It's far from it. It can affect you mentally. It can affect you physically. But there is always help, and there is always hope. That is something I promise. There are so, so many ways you can get help. Nobody should have to fight mental illness alone, there's the various phone numbers and websites that will provide help and direction to you anonymously. Your call won't appear on the phone bill. If you go to our wesite which should be on the screen behind me. Yeah. And on the TV screen and that will direct you to your local facilities, organizations, numbers, and websites for you. None of us are immune from falling into difficult times. That plight is something we all have in common. Please, please reach out for people because you can help them, you can. There is always hope. There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. I keep saying the word 'hope', it is always so commonly heard but not defined very clearly. When people hope on something, they are simply wishing for it to happen.You will suffer, you will despair, you will cry and you will feel sorrow. It's unavoidable. There is always hope. Every moment you live is a chance to turn things around, change your perspective, find your focus, achieve your goals, and continue on your mission. All you need is hope. Even if all things seem lost, as long as you have the smallest amount of hope, things might just change for the better. So... To all those people who almost had me fooled, those who tried to make me think I was nothing without them. All I can really do is thank you for making me the strong person I am today. I'm so proud of how strong I will be as a mother to raise my baby girl." The silence that captivated the audience for the past 20 minutes turned into an uproar of cheers. She lays one hand on her stomach. My little girl is having a baby girl. "Because those people purposely made my life a living hell by bringing the flames. They know the truth I could tell right now but I wish them well. I hope they're changing and finding their peace. I really do. When they said that I was worthless and done, they could be any further from the truth now. Because I made it without them, I don't need them in my life because I've found a strength that I've never ever had. I wouldn't be here without this strength. If I found strength, I know you can too. Thank you." she finished.

There was a standing ovation in the audience and everyone one was clapping and cheering. Instantly Jess burst our crying, this means so much to her. Today, being the launch of something she has wanted to do for so long, opening up to her past because she has accepted it. And also the hormones making her a bit emotional. I ran on to hug her and so did Simon.

"You did amazing Jess, I'm so proud of you, you can't even fathom how proud I am," I whispered in her ear.

All of a sudden everyone started chanting "WE LOVE YOU JESS" at that moment Simon and myself took a step to the side and applauded our daughter on stage. Just as we did a familiar face ran on stage. One I thought I wouldn't see in a while. They ran up to Jess hugged her and whispered something in her ear before the security began to chase them off, of course, it was no other than THE Ash. Who is supposedly in for questioning with the police? Just as Ash was almost off of the stage she tripped and fell flat on her face; everyone couldn't help but laugh, then again are you even a human if you don't laugh at someone falling over?

"I've fallen and I can't get up!" Ash shouts pissing herself laughing, quite literally. In the midst of laughing, Simon stopped the security and spoke to them so she could get some assistance. Eventually, he managed to get them to help Ash up off of her face because she could get up. Luckily, only myself and everyone else currently on stage could see the situation Ash was actually in. What can I say, running was always part of Jess's list of 3 things Ash was bad at. The other two include: hiding things and using protection. Don't ask me how Jess knows the last one.

"Fanks so so much," Jess said down the microphone, still crying from being so overwhelmed. All
of a sudden, she looked really surprised and put her hand on her tummy. "Ahhhhhh" she giggled. "First kicks," she smiles, I quickly run forward and feel, I felt them too. I hugged her quickly then resumed my place beside Simon. "I'd now before we finish in 5 minutes, like to quickly invite our 5 admin staff who are here on stage to introduce them so we can all say farewell, Mum and Dad you're staying here ." she quickly says as we start walking off, 5 other people also walk on. "So wave so they know which one you are. You've already met Ashlyn - And Katie. So there is also Finley who is the Financial Director. Then there is Lucy who is the Technology Director who makes sure the technological things and that sort of stuff get done. Finally, there is Rubin who is our Mental Health Director so he keeps that team motivated, in order and stuff like that. I would really like to thank Ashlyn, Kate, Finley, Lucy, Rubin also Brad and Clara who as well does important adminey jobs but are helping to set up for the official launch party tonight, because they are all such an amazing team and this wouldn't be possible without them. So Thanks. Annnnnddd I'd just like to thank my Mum of being so supportive and making sure everything is okay and Dad for teaching me how to actually be a proper boss. I'm really sure the team really appreciate that because they would of all probably wanted to not do this project with me if you didn't. Special big thanks to all the teams' parents for being amazing and helping out, none of knew what we were really doing to begin with, or where to really start, we really wouldn't be here without them. I'd also like to thank everyone who made to today happen. Michelle Obama, the BBC. And Beyoncé you're an absolute legend, Mum sort of died when you agreed to perform and make a speech so thank you. Chris, if you see this I hope you're okay, just look after yourself for me. Finally just a real big thank you to everyone who is sitting in the stadium now or watching at home for being welcoming the Debate Union so well, I hope you all enjoy your evenings. And goodnight!"

Well, this has been incredible, it really brings back memories of when I performed at Wembley. It's now time to go to the hotel and get ready for the launch party!

(A/N)

I didn't spell check this so I'm sorry, but then again when do I?

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