Unexpected Love (Editing)

Chapter 93

Liliana's pov

"Are you sure you'll be okay. I can stay here if you need me to" Jackson says

"Jackson it's fine. Go to work" I say. It's been a month now since our baby died and things are obviously still hard, but we're just trying to function the best that we can. I'm still not ready to return to work yet, but Jackson is. Work is kind of like his own personal therapy when things go wrong. Today is his first day going back, but he doesn't want to leave me at home even though I've told him repeatedly that it's fine. I actually like being alone. I don't have to talk to anyone or try to pretend like I'm okay or anything. I can just lay in bed in silence which is pretty much all I do anyways lately.

"Well I'm going to try to get off early, so I won't be gone all day" he says

"Okay" I nod

"Okay, I'll see you when I get back." he says giving me a kiss on the forehead before leaving the room and a couple of seconds later I hear the front door closing meaning that he's gone. I just continued to lay in bed staring at the ceiling. At this point I just feel empty all of the time. After everything happened, I cried and I cried until I couldn't anymore, until there were no more tears left. Now each day it's like I wake up and I'm just existing. I don't look forward to anything anymore. I've learned my lesson about having hope and making plans for the future, plans that never workout anyways. I don't know how I'm ever going to get back to being the me I used to be before all of this happened, I actually don't even think it's possible. I don't think you're ever yourself again after losing a baby. There's always going to be a piece of me missing, a future that was snatched away. I continue to lay in bed for a while just zoned out letting my mind wander until my phone begins to ring because I'm getting a facetime request. I know it has to be Derek because he's the only person I facetime and he's been making sure to constantly check in on me since he went back to D.C. I really don't feel like moving from my spot so I just lay there listening to the phone ring until the ringing seizes, but then it begins again a couple of seconds later, so I answer it since Derek is obviously not going to stop calling until I answer.

"I'm going to assume that you just weren't near the phone and you weren't completely ignoring my facetime that first time" he smirks

"Sure" I say as I shift around in bed getting comfortable again.

"How are you" he asks

"I'm surviving" I say

"Have you been eating and getting rest" he asks

"Yep" I sigh

"You look different. You're pale" he says

"Derek, I'm mixed. I don't get pale" I sigh making him laugh

"You know what I mean. You're missing your glow. When's the last time you went outside and gotten some fresh air" he asks

"It's been awhile, I haven't felt like going out" I shrug

"Lily, you can't just stay in the house all of the time that's depressing you can't recover like that" he says

"I'll keep that in mind" I say

"No you won't, you just want me to stop bothering you about it" he says

"Pretty much" I smirk

"You know I only make these suggestions because I care about you and I want to see you happy again" he says

"I know. I'm not really sure if I'll ever get to a happy place again but I'm doing the best I can right now, I just need time" I sigh

"I understand. After what you went through, it's going to take time for you to get back to a happy place, but you know I'm here if you need to talk or even if you need me to fly back to Seattle, you know I don't mind" he says

"No, that's okay. You've already done more then enough for me throughout this whole situation" I say

"I still wish I could actually be there. I feel guilty for being so far away right now" he sighs

"Don't feel bad, you've been so supportive through this whole thing. Even though you're not here right now, you calling and keeping a check on me is enough and I really appreciate it. I'm thankful to have you as my best friend, even when you can't be here physically you're always there for me emotionally" I assure him

"Well you know that's never going to change. I'm always going to be there for you even when I'm not in town" he says

"I know" I smile "Can I facetime you a little bit later. I'm really exhausted and I need to get some rest" I say

"Yeah, that's fine" he says

"Okay, bye" I say

"Bye" he says before hanging up. I lay my phone on the bedside table before closing my eyes to try to get some sleep. I sleep a lot nowadays. It's kind of how I cope. I'd rather be asleep and unaware then awake and empty. I eventually start to doze off and I spend most of the day resting, until finally waking up. Once I wake up I go freshen up before going to the kitchen to grab a snack then returning to the room and getting comfortable again. I hear the door opening a little while later meaning that Jackson is home.

"Hey sweetheart" he says walking into the room and giving me a kiss

"Hey, how was your first day back" I ask

"It was good, except that my mom was following me around all day at work trying to keep a check on me" he says

"I didn't even know she was back in town" I frown

"Neither, did I. She just randomly popped up" he says

"Well that's your mother for you" I say

"Believe me I know" he sighs. "Everyone was asking about you at work. They all miss having you around" he says

"I know, they've all been so supportive through everything" I say. Through this whole situation, everyone has tried to be there for Jackson and I as much as they can. They all understood that we need space and they've respected that, but they've still sent us cards and flowers and everything, which I really appreciate.

"Yeah, they have been" he agrees

"How's my department doing. It's still functioning" I ask

"Yeah, but nobody can run that department like you" he says

"Flattering Avery" I smirk making him laugh

"It is, but I'm being serious. Maybe you should think about coming back to work. You don't have to jump back into things full swing, but it might be good for you to be back at the hospital surrounded by people you care about, getting to do what you love" he says

"I'll come back to work soon just not yet. I don't think I'm ready" I say

"Okay, you can take all the time you need. I just want you to do what makes you happy" he says

"Thank you" I say. Even though things are difficult right now Jackson and I are coping the best that we know how and just taking things one step at a time, maybe one day we'll be at a happy place again.

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