The Wrong Love Affair

Floating lanterns and Hearts

Our university has this unusual practice of floating lanterns by the beach. Everyone from junior high till college, the faculty and staff would write their wishes on the lanterns and float it. After the ceremony lanterns were flown and the spectacular fireworks begin. It's the opening of our week long university celebration.

On that night Chris easily stood beside me. We floated our lanterns together. We watched the fireworks side by side. The fireworks were breathtaking, enchanting and captivating. But it turned to be mundane as long as Chris stands in comparison. He is that perfect. Too perfect to be standing beside me considering he is not mine to keep. Or is he?

"What's your heart's desire?" He casually asked while looking at the skyline filled with lanterns.

"I desire to know what I really want." I blurted out without thinking.

He then turned, looked at me in the eye, held my hand and asked, "What is there to be confused about?"

I have no words in response to that. Instead I settled back looking at the part where the sea meets the sky. What do you call it again? Horizon. Yes Horizons are beautiful especially while holding his hand.

After the activity, he casually asked.

"I don't know about you but I'm craving to do something sinful tonight.'

I was utterly shocked. You should have seen my face. 'What do you mean sinful? What do you have in mind?"

"You know those typical sinful dishes like lasagna and pizza with lots of cheese, pork and oil. Mouthwatering!."

I blushed in amusement and self-consciousness. "Oh, you mean dinner?"

"Huh? What do you think am I talking about? Never mind! Jolly's the best place for that!" He excitedly held my hand towards his motorcycle.

It now sounds too natural for him to bring me home after work and ask me out for lunch, dinner or both while holding my hand. It's like adding insult to the injury three times over.

It breaks my heart to say NO to him tonight. I promised my mother a dinner date. It's a payback for all missed lunch and dinner. All missed because at some point I opted sharing them with someone else. Someone I'm not so sure where to place myself on. Someone who keeps me hanging on a balance.

"Oh, about that... I promised Ma a dinner date tonight. Can we raincheck on that sinful cravings of yours tomorrow?"

As soon as I said NO he turned, let go of my hand

"Sure, tomorrow then." Without even glancing at me.

When I didn't move an inch he then added "We better get moving, your mom might be waiting already."

Is he really irritated by my refusal? Does that dinner means much to him? I tried to contemplate on our ride home. He didn't say a single word.

I said bye and thanks as soon as I reached home. And still he just nodded his head. The moody person in Chris is subsequently emerging.

I brought my mother for dinner at Jolly's. I'm not sure as to why in the world I still went to dine with Ma on Chris' so called sinful restaurant. Yet, let's give in to it Chris' mention of sinful lasagna made me crave for it. Pasta and pizza it is!

As soon as we reached the place a familiar figure was standing by the doorway. OH MY! Chris still made it here, yet I'm just not ready yet, not with my mother around. Not when I do not have the single explanation at hand on what label we have.

But all my fears were replaced with a different kind of emotion when I saw him waving at a girl seated alone by the west side of the room. The worst part, is that I know the girl. A college Batchmate, popular intelligent lass who made it to National TV debate. They are a perfect match - a handsome intelligent Political Science professor and an activist journalist who makes it to broadsheets because of her brilliance, wit and courage. To top it off, she is terrifyingly beautiful.

She stood as soon as he reached their nook. He kissed her casually on her cheek just like how he does it occasionally on mine. I realized I'm turning red. Not of anger but of fear. I am now faced by the truth I have been running away for so long.

I braced myself for greater threat.

He asked me out for dinner some 1 hour ago and here he is having dinner with another woman? Is it really that fast to look for a date replacement? Didn't he know how remorseful I am, considering that I turned him down?

I even painted on my thoughts his face all sad and gloomy after I said NO. Or is it just me thinking he is as sad as I am? Yet, in reality I have given him a good excuse to date this other woman. Is he just being nice? Or is it me just being too overrated?

Is she the one with whom he spends most of his time? Is she the unspoken and unknown woman in the picture that explains why I'm kept hanging on a balance?

I have billions of questions buzzing around except that I do not even have the strength to carry my own weight nonetheless to ask him anything.

I do not have the right remember? And I can't love him from the start. I should have known better. I should have known. 

A/N:

Dearests,

I'm working on the first few chapters fast hoping it can encourage more readers. 

Lovelots, 

B