The Wrong Love Affair

Bargaining and Indenial

That's how this story's supposed to end, no more complications, no more anything beyond what should have been. But life's definitely not a fairytale. Behind this sweet and good hearted Eric is an absentee boring boyfriend. Ugh! Since when did I find stability boring? With Chris everything seems to be on the edge but this new dynamic excites me. The thrill is just exhilarating that I can't seem to understand how can I just leave it all back to my old boring life.

I wiggled out of Eric's embrace, then went to get the coffee pot.

"You know what? I'm actually craving for Jolly's pancakes and sausages. Want to eat there instead?" Eric casually asked while toying with my hair. It's one of his favorite things to do. Well, according to him.

"Jolly's sounds great, but it's a sin to leave a brewed coffee behind. Besides, the hotdogs are done in a while." I responded quickly. I then went to the kitchen to check on steamed hotdogs.

Not that I don't like Jolly's Pancakes. They definitely have the best tasting buttered pancake in the world.  But, Jolly's been a frequent restau for me and Chris. Bringing Eric there seems like wrong, or something. Beside Jason Jolly, the chef and owner is a big mouthed cousin of Chris', I just don't want to risk anything. Ugh... I haven't killed anyone, right? But it may seem like I'm ultimately guilty of murder. Not yet by the way.

"Well, I guess you're right, let's have breakfast there tomorrow instead. For sure Ma won't mind." He responded absentmindedly. He's now lying on the couch half-awake, half-asleep I think.

I finished up the cooking and placed the eggs and hotdogs on two plates. I'm about to pour the coffee when I heard a loud snore. I then moved closer to the couch and saw Eric sleeping. He must be very tired.

I am tired and sleepy myself, I barely had 2 hours of sleep. But thinking of joining Eric into dream land seems like something I can't get to do. After all the turmoil, yesterday's exhilarating day out with Chris, last night's alcohol driven session with the girls, and Eric's unexpected arrival my mind is just spinning.

How will I explain things to Chris? I sort of made it clear to him what and where he will be standing on my life. I don't think I can just undone whatever expectations he has on us. I don't want to hurt him. As much as I can't just leave Eric.

Ugh! Why is this so hard!

Looking at his serene face while in deep sleep, I've thought about all the things we've been through for the past four years. He moving into this town for a year to get closer to me, our out of town trips and adventures. We've been through a lot to just throw it away. This guy clearly loves me and I do know I love him. As to how much? I guess I still have to find out.

I was then taken out of trance, as soon as I heard my phone ringing. It's Chris' ringtone.

"Hello" I answered unsure.

"Saree! Where are you? Just finished my speech and by the looks of it the audience dig it!"

"Wow, congratulations!" I answered still unsure, and I guess too unhappy as I want to sound.

"Yep! The program is expected to finish in 30. Do you think you can still come? What happened? Are you sick or anything? Do you want me to come and get you? He responded too enthusiastic

"No, no I'm fine. Just some headache. Bad hangover I guess." I'm not totally lying.

"Oh, too much to drink last night? Didn't you remember today was actually a big day, and you decided to get all drunk?" His bossy voice again.

"Sorry, I can't come and will be taking my rest. Bye." I turned off the phone even before he can respond. I hate it every time he bosses me around.

This should be easy then. I just have to remember every high pitched responses and uncalled for remarks from him and I'll be on the right track. I have millions of reasons to just end whatever it is we have.

I then heard a beep. It's a text from Chris.

Chris: Sorry, I'm new to this, I guess. That was a bad call. Should have not shouted. See you on Monday then. Please rest and drink lots of water and take care.

Ugh! I May have millions of reasons to go, but then just one, just one reason and I'm staying.

My mind must be giving up on me though, because the next thing I know I was awaken by the doorbell and a knock.

"Wait, wait I'm coming!" I hurriedly stood up, how long was I asleep? I then opened the door though a little disoriented, and there stood Chris in all his grandeur.

"HI!" Chris was all too handsome wearing a black coat over a white shirt with two open buttons and fitted jeans.

"Oh! What are you doing here?" I responded shocked.

"I just can't seem to live with myself knowing what I did over the phone. So I went here to personally say I'm sorry." Chris responded all to apologetic. It's not every day I get to see this scene so I might as well feast on it.  But then I'm reminded of something, rather someone.

I then heard Eric called. "Sweetie, who's there?"

Great! Just great! Chris then looked at me bemused. "Sweetie? Is he here? I thought he'll be back next week? Have you told him already?"

I was not given any time to respond on any of his questions. Eric pulled the door wider behind me. "Who's there?"

"Ahmmm, Eric this is Chris, my officemate." I introduced reluctantly.

"Nice to meet you Bro. I'm Eric, Saree's boyfriend." Chris strongly shook Eric's extended hand.

"I think I should go then, just went here to check on Saree." Chris reasoned out with his face looking down. He then turned around, went into his car and drove off, without looking back.

At that moment, all I want to do is to hug Chris and explain everything to him. But how? I hurt his feelings. I was not given the option to explain myself. Great I now have to do what I should have done early on.

I was not left with my thoughts (again) for so long, because the next thing I know Eric is entangling me with his powerful embrace. "I missed you so much." He whispered on my ear.

I then turn to face him, with him still not letting go of his strong arms wrapped around me. "I'm serious Eric, we need to talk". I was now more serious than I ever, I'm looking straight into his eyes and bless me I see pain, no not pain, fear. Eric is afraid that I imagined. Ugh!

"Will you please at least give me a few days? I just got back, I have less than 30 minutes of sleep and we have not seen each other for so long. Can we please spend some time together before you tell me whatever it is we need to talk about?" I might have been used to Chris' strong stare and commands that Eric's words appear to be a plea. A plea as if his life depends on it. I know he deserves this, and it's a good bargain.

"Okay, few days." I spoke too close to his face, close enough that he then went to envelope me with his tight hug and kiss. But it's not how I remembered Eric's kiss. His was always playful, passionate, caring and thoughtful. But his lips now seems to be full of force, longing, and urgency. It seems like he knows something I haven't told him yet. Oh Eric, my good souled man, how could have I done this to you?