The Wrong Love Affair

Bleeding heart and pancakes

So on that Monday morning I can't keep the excitement on going to work.

As soon as I reached the office my student assistant was delightedly looking at me. You see the smile that means millions of things. I innocently asked her why.

"Charm, your smile looks different today."

" Me? Oh no. I'm just having a great day!"

"I can see that."

"Miss Saree please don't be angry at me for asking, now I feel so stupid. I know it's totally none of my business but... It's just that... it's more on an observation really, and everyone I know seems to be curious."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

Charm then answered too fast.

"It's just that students are actually asking whether you and Mr. Wess are dating. I mean sorry to pry, it's totally none of our business. Just forget that I ask."

'Really? I mean. Woah! Where that does comes from? Never mind.' Is all I can respond. Deep in my heart I know it's thinking why not?!

I tried to focus on my tasks for the day. However from time to time I am seeing myself looking at the clock. Why 10:30 does seems too far away?

BUT, at 10:30AM that morning. No Chris showed up.

The day stretched till 5:00PM and still, Chris has not shown his face. My officemates have not stopped asking me where he could have been and it's not helping at all.

It got me worried. He has not texted or called that weekend and he has not shown up the whole day something could have happened. Or I'm just overtly thinking?

I'm not his girlfriend for crying out loud! Meaning, he is not compelled to see me every single day. But this stretch of days of not seeing him is torturing me.

It's like living in darkness again after living in the light.

So I decided text him, still wanting to sound casual.

"Hey, have not shown up at the office today just wondering if you're okay"

DELETE

'Hey, Chris, how are you? How was your weekend?'

DELETE

'Hi Chris, How are you? The SG (Student Government) members are asking regarding the activity next week.'

Very wise Saree, find an alibi. Who am I fooling?

SENT

After 5 minutes I received a reply

'Hello Saree. I'm at the hospital, it's my mother's Chemo schedule today I filed a leave. I'll text the Student Government members on the schedule of meeting thanks!'

It took me sometime to reply. He never told me about the detail that his mother has cancer. Yet, when I asked people around most of them already knew. I'm too insensitive! Darn! Or he have not yet trusted me that much to tell me? Do I have the right to be angry? Nah!

'Oh, Sorry to bother you with work questions. Extend my get well soon greeting to your mom. Don't bother about the SG people I'll take care of them.'

NO REPLY.

Last Friday I have never been as sure of anything as I'm sure that Chris likes me, that there could actually be us. But now? I doubted if he even thinks of me as special. 

The Monday without lunch together became a full week. He did dropped by for 5 minutes or so to talk to my boss but would soon leave just waving good bye or smiling at me.

But that Friday morning I overheard him talking to my boss just outside my cubicle's door.

'Ms. Jen I'll check on the boat and bring these letters for the activity. Can Saree go with me?' He casually asked my boss.

'Ask her. Just be sure to finish everything this morning I'll need you both by afternoon.'

I then heard my name called.

We went out on campus at exactly 10:30AM just like before.

We chatted casually during the ride. As if nothing happened. But did something really happened? What is between the two of us now? Is there something between us? I can't help but pause from time to time to just look at him. I have millions of questions but I know I will never have the guts to ask them out. Why is he doing this to me? Doesn't he know how irresistible he is to the female populace? Doesn't he know I am now starting to fall too deep and too hard?

He usually begins the conversation. We run from topics of politics, social media, school concerns and upcoming activities. No personal questions. No hints of something beyond work related agenda.

And it bleeds my heart to pieces.

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I love pancakes! I love it with passion. As much as I love reading and coffee.

We finished all the communications by 11:30. While passing along the park a familiar scent of my favorite pancakes dominated the air. Gush! I need one! I want one! But hey! I don't have the guts on asking him to drop by, we may have been eating lunch together for several weeks but it's never in my system to ask someone else to do me a favor like waiting for me to buy pancakes.

Yet, to my amusement he stopped by the sidewalk and asked me – "Do you like pancakes? This type is cheaper than the rest, however I assure you it's delicious"

I can die on the spot.

No, not until I got a grab of those mouthwatering pancakes.

I tried hiding the excitement on my face as if I eating the pancakes by the sidewalk is the least thing I'll do in the world. Who am I fooling anyway?

He left me standing by his motorcycle. As soon as he returns, on his hands are two sets of hot pancakes with sugar and butter. Just the way I love it.

We ate in silence sitting side by side on his motorcycle. On the deepest recesses of my mind I can't ask for anything else. Or maybe I can ask if what all these means. Awhile ago I have millions of questions but as of the moment I can't think of any.

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A/N

I'm still not sure how things are and I anymore passes to read after my Chapter 1. I do hope (Fingers crossed) that some did make time to read. 

If there is please let me know. Your encouragements will mean so much to me. 

Lovelots, 

B