The Wrong Love Affair

Reading between the Lines NO MORE

The ride was dead silent, I was left with my loud thoughts though. He has not mentioned anything not even when we reached the last intersection towards my apartment. However, Chris went straight instead of turning left. I didn't stop him but it pushed me to question.

"Are we not going home yet?"

(No answer)

"Chris?"

"Let's talk!" saying it more of a command than a plea

"Okay" is all I can reply.

He pulled over in a 24hour convenience store beside a gasoline station.

"I'll buy something inside." another order for me to stand on my feet.

"Me too" I interjected.

He pulled out an ice cold beer in can from the freezer, asked me if I want some instead I chose a sparkling water.

He grabbed the bottle from my hand and went to the cashier without a word. I kept tailing him unknowing what to do. So as not to look stupid I went to sit on one of the round chairs and tables they have just outside the store.

In a few while he then placed the bottle by the table and sat beside me. He gestured if he'll open it, and I nodded. He opened my sparkling water then opened his beer can and went to drink a mouthful several times before he broke the silence.

"Saree, do you want to go home now?"

I looked at my watch too early to insist on going home.

"Not yet, why?"

I got no response. He is no staring at his beer can, turning it as if reading the label.

Then he stood. "Let's go."

He then walked towards his motorcycle without looking at me.

Now, again I have to read between the lines.

From the convenience store I was expecting on dropping by somewhere before he brings me home hanging on to his "we need to talk" words. But he went straight to my apartment. As soon as he pulled over I went down still clutching his shoulders, held his arms and asked the question I never thought I'll have strength to ask in a hundred years.

"What's the problem Chris?"

He looked at me straight in the eye. Went to look on my hand still holding his arms, clutched his motorcycle which roared in the silent night.

"What's the problem?" He asked back sounding annoyed.

"The problem is that you are too..." he stopped mid-sentence, with his face showing some signs of struggle.

"I'm what Chris?" I asked sounding annoyed.

"You're too numb. Can't you see how hard things are for me? How I have been trying to get your attention, your affection... I have never done any of this to anyone. But here you are testing my patience... My... ugh!" He can't seem to finish his thoughts. He is now messing his hair with both hands.

I have no words in response to that. "I... what do you mean Chris?"

"Exactly, it's been what? 6, 8 months? We have been going out on dates for the last half a year and all you can ask me is what do I mean?" He added looking at me.

"I, I never thought they were dates Chris. I mean, yeah meals and time spent together sounds like a date, but we have never talked about them, you never asked me out, we never..."

"Never? So you mean that kiss we shared means nothing to you? The hugs, the sweet nothings, THEY ARE NOTHING TO YOU?"

"That's not what I meant, no, that kiss? That was something you just can't easily forget." I tried to explain.

"Then, why did you just left? Every time I'm about to make a move you just seem to go AWOL on me, say NO to me, lie to me, leave me hanging. Why Saree? I have been understanding, been leaving every piece of my ego aside because you meant that much, but you just don't seem to care." He is damn serious, there's rage in his eyes I have never seen before.

"Sorry Chris, I ... I didn't mean to make it appear that way. "

"Then what Saree, what are we? Can there ever be a "we"?" his eyes are now gentle and pleading. He must have moved closer because his hands are now covering mine.

"I have a boyfriend Chris." I said looking down. I'm such an idiot! How could I have done this to him?! To them?

He let go of my hands. Moved back to his motorcycle and was about to leave.

"Chris, please listen to me." I begged. Holding on his arms.

"I never meant to make you feel this way. I ... I never thought it will all come to this." I added

There was a long pause. He seemed to be having some internal wrestle. I just dropped a bomb on his face. Shit!

"Do you love me?" He's now staring straight at me, but his hands are still on his motorcycle's clutch.

"I don't want to hurt him Chris." I answered.

"Bullshit! That's not what I'm asking Saree!" He shouted over his loud motorcycle.

"I ... I want to do the right thing."

"Then answer me, do you love me? Is there a part of you, any part in you which says you feel the same way I do?" Chris asked persistently

I don't know how to answer.

"Yes or No Saree, will there ever be an us?" He asked while bowing down squeezing his clutch tighter.

I know in the deepest recesses of my heart that I have feelings for him.

"Yes" I loudly answered, but then I bowed my head looking at my feet. What am I doing?!

Another pause. His loud motorcycle's motor died. Next thing I know he is standing close to me, touching my chin raising my face to his.

"You mean that?" he asked

"Yes."

He then kissed me in the forehead, hugged me tight and whispered.

"Then I'll wait."

He then left. Without a second glance.

That was an intense confrontation. I now know what Chris really feels about me, but why do I feel like I just had my heart broken? Why do I feel pain rather than joy?

His answer is never what expected to hear. What was I thinking? Yet at least it's now clear for everyone, his answer or rather reaction left me with more lines to read, more questions to ask and a heart aching for something I don't have the capacity to understand myself.

Hi Dearests, 

I'm now at a crossroad. After this chapter I'll be putting in more about Eric and I'm looking for ways that you'll like him too. The next dilemma would be, who's the best for Saree? Will it be the arrogant egocentric Chris, or the peace loving passive Eric? Let me know what you think. 

And please tap or click on that star now, if you like what you're reading. :) 

Lovelots, 

B