A collection of reader insert ( x reader) imagines/one-shots/fics of the Avengers and a few other Marvel characters. FYI: The reader dies in a couple of them, and in my universe, Steve swears sometimes...so yes, language.
As per usual, I own n...
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An angsty drabble based on this gifset by heartfulloffandoms (via Tumblr)
Bucky had come to believe that overall, he was a smart man. He had kept himself alive for this long, he believed Steve when he said that he could move past the terrors in his nightmares, he had overcome the brainwashing of Hydra, and most of all, more than any of those things, he had loved you. That was the best decision of his life by far. At first, he thought that maybe the love you returned to him was charity, and a way for him to keep from running, but over time and with more effort than you should have needed to endure, he began to understand; he began to see what you saw in him, and he began to believe. He bought into the idea that he was lovable, even after the detestable life that he had led for so many years.
He thought that his greatest fear was to see you fighting at his side and to see you injured, or so much worse, to be lost when he couldn't save you. To be a man of such power and ability, and to have to watch that happen would break him beyond repair; it would be beyond anything that Hydra had ever done, and it would be beyond anything that he would ever come back from. But you were more than capable, trained by Steve to be skilled enough to challenge either of the super soldiers in your life, winning your fair share of spars against them. Bucky began to believe that it was an irrational fear, a byproduct of loving you and the fear of being alone making his mind torture him as he slept, his mind plagued with images of you dying in his arms; his hands feeling the coldness of your skin as you left him, and the light dimming from your eyes before they closed forever.
These were the fears that he lived with, but he would accept them because it meant that the part of him that was Bucky, the part of him that was human, was still there. But being human was ultimately what would betray him, and what would make his initial feelings of unworthiness come to fruition. Being human would be his own downfall, and it would make him have the flash of doubt in his mind that he could go on this way; he would allow his mind to toy with his suspicions, and taunt him with the ease of being the Soldier again. As the Soldier, he didn't hurt like this, and he had no one to betray. As the Soldier, he would never love someone, so he could never break their heart. It was a horrifying life, but it was easier than this.
It was a mistake that Bucky made several times a day, but it was his own fault, looking at his phone and seeing your last text to him from the day you walked away for good. He didn't know why he kept it, other than to torture himself as he rightfully deserved. He had offered every apology and every explanation, but they were only words that could have been spoken by anyone; he was beyond your forgiveness, and he reminded himself of that with every read of your final message. He had read it so many times that it was burned into his vision, seeing it even when his eyes were closed, reading it aloud in his nightmares just to ensure that he might never sleep again. He could hear the words in your voice, and it only hurt that much more, but what he feared even more was that he would forget what your voice sounded like, so he accepted it; he welcomed it. He welcomed the pain, because he knew that after betraying the gift that you had given him in your acceptance and love for so long, the punishment of being the Soldier again would be too kind.
