I woke up screaming on the same ugly floral bed with my hand hurting like hell from when I had punched a gaping hole in the wall. When I got up to check the time, my head felt like I had been pounding it against a rock for five hours. It was only 5:34 in the morning and it was still dark out. Fuck.
I couldn't even believe I had waken up. When I get drunk, I'm practically in a comma for days. I even sleep through the hangover sometimes if I'm not throwing up. I hadn't gotten to that stage yet. But I guess I had waken up from some deep sleep because of some dream I had had. I remembered it now.
I was with Hal and we were riding in my car, the one she liked to call Henry. I was driving and she was in the passengers seat laughing in her familiar bubblegum laugh. I could smell her flowery scent even with the windows rolled down as we blazed down the highway. Suddenly, out of no where, this huge truck comes speeding out of the opposite lane and it hits my side of the car at full speed. It kills me instatly but Hal lives. It was a weird out-of-body experience because, at that moment, I see Hal looking over at my dead body and she doesn't even care. She doesn't even cry. That killed me.
That's why I had woken up screaming.
I suddenly felt this impulse to sing. I stumbled out to my car and retrieved my old acoustic from the trunk. It was dusty and out of tune, but I didn't have half the decency to tune it. I strummed it anyways as I began to sing.
"I wanna be drunk when I wake up. On the right side of the wrong bed. And never an excuse I made up, to tell you the truth, I hid one... What didn't kill me-- it never made me stronger at all..." Just like losing Hal.
"Love will scar your make-up. Lip sticks to me, so now I maybe lean back there-- I'm sad here, wishing I was sober... I know I'll never hold you like I used to..." I stopped and ran to the toilet to throw up. When I was done, I came back and picked up the guitar again.
"But a house gets cold when you cut out the heating. Without you to hold, I'll be freezing. Can't rely on my heart for beating cuz you take parts of it every evening. Take words out of my mouth just from breathing, replace with phrases like when you're leaving me... Should I, should I? Maybe I'll get drunk again..."
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the promise ➳ hemmings
Fanfiction| Promises are just very sincere lies. We make them thinking that we'll keep them. But in time, our motivation to keep them fades-- just like the hope and trust others had in us that they wouldn't. It's just sad to think that's what our relationship...
