the promise ➳ hemmings

Part 54

"I can't believe you!" Luke spat as soon an Michael's car was out of view. "You were kissing Michael!"

"So what?" I scoffed even though it had been quite a shock to both of us. I had no idea why I had let Michael kiss me, I just knew that it had been the wrong decision to let him.

"So what?" He roared. "SO WHAT?!"

"You think you can leave me in the middle of the school parking lot after telling me we're over and then think you have the right to be mad at me?" I wished Michael hadn't driven away. I just wanted to be with my mother and not anywhere near Luke. But now he was my only hope for a ride home.

"Look, Hal, I just don't think you understand!" Luke cried running his fingers through his hair.

"Understand what?" I retorted. "The fact you've turned crazy?"

"I haven't turned crazy, I just started realizing things!" Luke barked harshly and sounded quite offended at the fact I had called him crazy.

"What did you realize?" I implored while crossing my arms across my chest. I was wearing a tank top and some shorts I had had on all along under my graduation gown, and it was beginning to get quite cold again. At least it had stopped raining. Luke plus rain hadn't proved itself to be very fun last time.

He gazed deeply into my eyes for only a few seconds before he shyly looked back at the ground. "I just... I realized we can't do this anymore. I realized I can't do this anymore."

"Why?" I watched him as he kicked a pebble on the pavement with his foot. He was wearing his same old, black converse like the Luke I had always known. It was just the rest of him that was changing right in front of my very eyes.

"You're going away, Hal. You're going to college! And I waited so long for us to become ...you know, us! But you're leaving now, and now I realize I was too late..." Luke muttered.

I held my breath before letting it all out in one big spiel. "You knew it all along, Luke! This was the promise we made to each other-- to be friends until this day came. We made a promise to have each other's backs and be there for one another! Look, we met after we both had just gotten our hearts broken and at that time we were young and vulnerable. That's exactly why we didn't expect some stupid promises to stick because we made them with our hearts on our sleeves out of utter desperation. And you know, in some ways they stuck. And in other ways, they didn't. That's the thing about promises, Luke. You never know which ones are actually going to turn out to be genuine and which ones are going to turn around and stab you in the back someday."

Luke was silent for a long time but I gave him time to think it all over. And finally he spoke. "I can't live without you, Hal. I haven't been able to for a couple of years now no matter if we were just friends or more. But I spent a lot of time away from you these last couple months of our friendship... relationship, whatever this is and it just ate me alive," he sighed. "I can't imagine what it'll be like after you leave. I just spent so long avoiding the fact you are gonna be leaving someday just like I tried my hardest to ignore the fact I liked you a lot more than a friend."

This time I didn't know what to say. Because no matter what, I was going to college and I wasn't going to be able to see much of Luke after that happened. He was right. We hadn't thought that much about our future, we had been too caught up in our little promise to think about what came after it.

"I just wanted to make things easier for the both of us and end things now. I can't spend an entire summer with you just to let you go in the fall so suddenly. I need time to realize this is actually happening. It's just going to be too hard later on." Luke continued since I hadn't responded to his last statement. "That's why I tried to say goodbye to you in the parking lot. I just couldn't bear a real, sentimental goodbye, Hal. And I know you hate that kind of shit, too."

He was right, I did hate it. I definitely wasn't a sentimental person, but god was Luke changing that. Because right now I just wanted to tell Luke how much he had meant to me these last couple years and how much I loved every single part of him. I just wanted to thank him for sorta kinda maybe keeping our promise. But I didn't say anything else, and I knew someday I would regret it.

"Then let's not have that kind of goodbye," I finally said and Luke slowly nodded with eyes full of pure sadness. No tears, just... sadness. There's just something about the way the light reflects off the eyes of a sad person that makes you be able to physically see the hurt in their eyes. "Can you just take me back to my house?" He nodded again and motioned for me to get in the car. I obeyed and made my way to the passengers seat.

"Remember how you call my car Henry?" Luke said once he had seated himself back in front of the wheel.

I giggled and rolled my eyes. "How could I forget?"

"I don't know," Luke smiled while turning his keys in the ignition. "Just don't forget."

"I won't, Luke!" I snapped all of a sudden. He was acting like this was the very end. I had expected him to at least know we would still talk on the phone and occasionally visit each other. Why did he always have to make everything so complicated?

"Okay," was all he said as we left the parking lot.

The car ride was silent from then on. And I wasn't sure if it was better than talking more or not. But like Luke had pointed out to me before: we weren't good at saying things. That was just us.

So, I just looked out the window as we passed the city in the cold of the the mid afternoon. It was a unexpectedly cloudy day for the start of summer. Even the weather was grieving about Luke and I's tragic end. Within the next few minutes we were pulling into the parking garage to my apartment. A felt my stomach twist up in knots and my heart began to pound fast in my chest. Why? Because I knew for sure this was the final goodbye.

I just wasn't sure how it was going to go.

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:'( wah.