Nostalgia | Dazai Osamu

12| Desire

(Y/n)'s P.O.V

His words echoed in the cell, hitting me like knives each time it rang in my ear. Why did I have to be reminded? Dazais words echoed, sending chills down my spine. Then, it was dead silent in the cell. Not even the air was moving...

Dazai hung his head high when he looked at me, manacles rattling and smirk widening.

"Don't think you can feel superior here, Dazai." I say and throw the knife hesitantly at him. He didn't flinch when the knife dug into the wall just above his head, facial features not budging. I slowly made my way down the stairs, eyes glued to his, and he spoke to me.

"I wasn't. I know how powerful you are and how that scares me." He said. I came as close to him as I possibly could without it being awkward or too close. I reached up, grabbed the knife and forced it out with a shing.

"Funny, Dazai. Why would you be worrying about that with your non-affecting ability?" I say, knife to his chin. I drew closer, listening to every detail of his deep thick heavenly voice... He smirked and shook his head.
"I'm not speaking about your ability." He said. I could feel his hot breath against my ear... Was I that close?

"What are you speaking about then?" I whisper, eyebrows furrowed from his strange remark.

My eyes slowly move from his collar coated in blood to his eyes, to find they're already deeply staring at me. We looked at each other through the thick darkness, a sweet and soft warm sensation rising in my cheeks... Was that normal?

It was. Yes, it was normal but only when I felt-

When I felt that. My jaw dropped.
Again?

It kept rising around my cheeks, intensifying and stretching across my face and neck. My heart was thrumming inside of my cage, the change of feeling too much for me to cope. It was familiar, but I had lost the foreign feeling for years. The only thing I had felt for the past four years was nostalgia for this man, pain and just nothing.

How could I have feeling for Dazai after everything he had done?

"What I was speaking about..." he whispered. Suddenly I lose control of myself from his voice, sultry and captivating.

He leaned in closer, lip almost brushing against my skin. His voice was like a fire burning away everything else in my mind, leaving only him for me to find.

"...Is that you could make me do anything. And that is terrifying."

I felt his smirk right next to my ear... I felt his devilish tendency starting to play with me. My face was dusted with red, limbs weakening and lips desiring for his. I stood there like I was frozen, not knowing what was coming next out of this man in front of me. He laughed so gently, his hot breath running down my neck. My mind was paralysed and lost in the moment... how was it possible for me to pay so much attention to him?

"You made me run for you and be taken hostage as an executor... Just so I know you're alive and well." He states, drawing back ever so little. I could now see the light in his eyes from the corridor, sparking with yellow.

No. No he didn't...

Flashbacks appeared of when I searched for Dazai the day he disappeared, hoping not to find a body being dragged by river currents or hanging by a thread from a bridge.

I knew the pain that Dazai had felt-dread. I knew how it tears at you and rips open closed wounds, sending one into a frenzy of fear. But why was he feeling that way? Did I truly believe that?