The Trials and Tribulations of Me

Chapter Six

So for the last few days Lucas and I haven't been talking to each other. To avoid seeing each other we stay busy in our jobs. I miss him like crazy and I want to talk to him but I don't know how. Every time I think I can talk to him I end up yelling at him or crying. We just aren't one anymore. It's not like I'm the only one lost with words, all he can say to me is what I want for dinner or he will be home late. Honestly I don't know if we will ever be the same.

I was coming home from a long day at the shop and I was tired. I had woken up at four to go in so I wouldn't have to see Lucas. I had been doing it for a long time and sometimes he beat me. It was like a cat and mouse game but neither one of us wanted to be caught.

When I walked into the house I came in contact with my entire family sitting in the living room. As I looked around the room I saw Brianna and just shook my head. I was not in the mood to deal with her and her bullshit. All she did was cause trouble for me and I had enough trouble right now. Hell my marriage was falling apart and she wanted money to fix her life that she couldn't seem to ever keep straight.

I went into the kitchen where Lucas was drinking a beer. "Why is my entire family in the living room?" he turned to me not really interested in me and leaned against the counter.

"So you are talking to me," he said angry.

"What the hell does that mean?" he put his beer down and walked up to me.

"It means for the last couple weeks I have not heard your voice let alone even seen your face."

"That's not all on me. You acted the same way I did."

"Only because you started it. I told you I wanted to be there for you but you weren't having it and pushed me away."

"I didn't mean to push you away Lucas."

"It doesn't matter anymore Samaria. I don't know why your family is here." With that he walked out of the kitchen not bothering to talk to me anymore. I knew we were in a bad place but I didn't know this bad. We had fights before but he w0uld never act like this to me. No matter what I did he would always treat me like a princess.

I went back into the living room and saw that Raquel had showed up too. "Here," my mom said handing me folder.

"What's this?"

"Some wedding things I put together for your wedding." I sighed and looked to Lucas but he just shrugged not caring about anything. I wanted to yell at him for being an ass but I couldn't. I couldn't blame him for the way he was feeling.

"Mom we are not having a wedding."

"And why not?"

"Because we are already married."

"Whose fault is that?"

"What does that even mean mom?" I was slowly losing my cool and if she didn't stop she would see how I was really feeling. I know she was at a disadvantage for not knowing what I was going through but I think even if she did she would still find a way to piss me off.

"The least you can do is plan a wedding so that the family can be a part of your union." I looked up to the ceiling trying to find my calm but I couldn't. I didn't feel like doing this, not with her. I handed her back the folder not caring if she got it or not.

"For the last fucking time there will not be a damn wedding and if you were any kind of a mother you would get the fucking message."

"That was unnecessary," Brianna yelled standing up mad. She looked as if she wanted to hit me and I wanted to see her try. If she wanted to take mom's side then that was her decision. "You need to calm down."

"And you need to get the fuck out of my house. The only time you come around is when you fucking need something."

"What the hell is your problem," my mom said now standing up to face me.

"My fucking problem is no one seems to think I don't have any other fucking problems than the ones they give a damn about." Before they could say anything else I walked out going to my bedroom to get some sleep. I wasn't sorry for what I said but I knew one day my words would come and bite me in the ass.

When I woke up the next morning I felt completely drained. Everything from last night came rushing back like a wave. I wanted to escape from everything and everyone. I hated the way I was treating people at times but I couldn't help it. Everything just angered me. If I saw someone with a child I felt my stomach drop to the floor. Tears would well up in my eyes and I would become on the verge of self-destruction. I couldn't breathe when I as around people. Any time I thought was getting better something would happen that would let me know I wasn't. This wasn't easy and with no one knowing it was hard to deal on my own.

I wanted to stay in bed and never leave it. This bed was the only place I could breathe and be myself. This bed was my sanctuary.

I finally got up and went into the living room where Lincoln was sitting on the couch eating popcorn. "Why are you here?" he turned to me smiling.

"For you of course." I sighed and sat down in a chair pulling my legs up to me. I was trying to make myself small.

"Why are you really here?"

"Because your husband sent me since you have been snapping on everyone including your family. Lucas knew that I knew about you being pregnant and thought I could calm yo mean ass down."

"I'm not like Lucas I can't just move on from losing our baby."

"No good man will ever move on from losing their baby. That shit will hunt a man until the day he dies. You may be going through something but a man takes that shit for life. Right now he needs you more than anything."

"I don't know how to do that Lincoln. I am dealing with my own things right now."

"And you don't think he isn't?"

"I didn't say he wasn't."

"So what, yours is more important?"

"That's not what I'm saying Lincoln."

"When you two got married you both took vows that through thick and thin you both would be there for each other."

"She doesn't know how to do that right now."

"That may be true but the thing you need to stop doing is pushing Lucas away. You both need to heal together and hell once the healing is done then the two of you can go back to baby making." I ran my hair through my hair not knowing what to do. I was lost.

"I don't know how to heal Lincoln."

"That's something you should discuss with Lucas."

I heard what Lincoln was saying but things weren't that simple. I couldn't just talk to Lucas like that. I mean even I wanted to he probably wouldn't listen. I knew it was bad when he went to Lincoln to handle things with me. Lucas couldn't stand Lincoln being near me with our past so for him to send Lincoln to me meant he was pissed. I didn't want him to be pissed at me but I didn't know what to do at this point. I wanted my marriage to work but I didn't know how that was possible with the way I was feeling.

"What are you doing," Lucas asked interrupting me. I was currently packing me some clothes so I could go to a hotel.

"I need some space." He looked at me for a minute before nodding.

"So we hit a snag in our marriage and your first instinct is to run. It wasn't enough you completely shut me out but now you're just giving up?"

"I'm not giving up, I just need to get away from everything."

"Including me?"

"You don't understand what I'm going through." He laughed.

"I lost a baby too! I went through the same thing you did but unlike you I didn't push you away."

"I know but I'm drowning being here Lucas. Everywhere I turn I think of what I lost and I can't do it anymore. I need to get away." He nodded messing with his tie.

"Do what you want, I don't care anymore," he said turning around and going into the bathroom slamming the door.